Ha. Yes, I knew that would get your attention
I'm in a new relationship now with someone who's quite wonderful. When we met, he was separated from his wife and in the process of getting a divorce. I was under the impression that most of the heallng had been done. The affair that hurt him badly happened over two years ago, with things going downhill steadily after that, they separated earlier this year.
INFJ meets ENFP. When we met this spring, there were even precognitive dreams. He seemed to have a capacity for mental/emotional intimacy I have never found before. We were both helping/counselling each other a lot, talking about our ex's, it was a paradox situation in a way, so we could each see the perspective we were missing through the other. It's helped us both to heal. We both admitted a month ago to being in love with each other.
It's strange, it's like I can't seem to stop helping him. I just want him to be alright, want to do everything I can to make sure he'll get through. I think so highly of him as a person. He is kind, strong, intelligent, funny, witty, passionate, energetic, challenges me, teasing, caring, deep, spiritual, powerful, radiant, open, wonderful with words... he's everything I'm looking for in a partner, in terms of character traits. It saddens me when he thinks less of himself, and I'm always trying to build him up. It's the same for him, he always wants to help me in every way. He treats me better than anyone ever has before, in -all- ways. There's a leetle age gap but the closer we get the less it matters.
Now, after four months, he's very stressed with work, issues with his kids, and having just received his divorce certificate in the mail. The first thing he does is call and say he needs to date other people, that we got too serious, way too fast, and he's not ready to get married. (WHAT????!!)
After lengthy discussion it appears he has this urge to get to know others, to meet and talk and date (not sleep with) other women, to explore the mental/emotional chemistry. He just wants to be sure that this is the right thing for him.
He's worried about hurting me though. We are trying to figure out where this 'urge' is coming from for him, and what to do about it. He wants to keep seeing each other but doesn't want me to put my life on hold for him. Then he'll tell me to 'talk him out of it'. Neither of us wants to lose what we have, but if the trust is broken in this way, I don't know if I can get it back.
From his side; he's been with one woman since he was sixteen years old. He dated for about two months before meeting me. So how can I deny him this experience he needs? He hasn't had what I have; about 15 years of dating and different relationships. I know what I want, and I know a good thing when I find it. How to keep it though, is the question.
He is a roller coaster. While talking, he changes his mind every five minutes. I think it's just that he's been hurt -so- badly. People tell me to be calm in the middle of the storm, let him do what he needs to do, as this is a special situation, and he'll be back.
However, I don't know how to do this. How do I be strong? How do I do the right thing?