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Lauxa · 10-02-2008, 01:14 PM

This is still working for me, in that I still find it an easy thought-pattern to cultivate and maintain. I was listening to the Ajan Brahm Dharma Talks podcast and I have a bit of a new theory on why this might be working for me. He was talking about good "meditation karma" and making peace with your thoughts. I have noticed that even when I am not feeling great, I can give myself a pat on the back for being a good sport and playing the negative affirmations game. So it basically keeps me from getting into a downward spiral for feeling bad for feeling bad because instead I will feel bad but still feel good for staying focused on feeling "not good". If that makes any sense.

Last week was vacation, although I still had to do my telecommute work. We were visiting family in New Jersey. I had a fantastic time, despite some high levels of anxiety. I remember other vacations to NJ when I was feeling very depressed and melancholy most of the time. The last time I went was about a year ago and I was trying the "1 week with no negative thoughts" experiment. The negative affirmations thought pattern felt easier and more natural and I think I had more fun this time (although trips to NJ are always pretty fun).

I did have the occasional urge to get away from all the people and take a walk by myself in nature (there were about a dozen people on the property). I felt like I got some insight into my smoking that I would feel really compelled to smoke and then I would notice how calming it felt to get away by myself. Towards the end of the trip I would leave out the smoking and just go for a walk. I also felt very compelled to smoke whenever my anxiety levels got real high, just to take the edge off. I was working a lot with "This anxiety will not dissipate."

Since I have gotten back, things have been pretty crazy. My cousin is came into town last night and I've been trying to get the guest bedroom ready for her as well as having some tight deadlines at work. I didn't get the house as clean as I wanted, but the essentials got done (buying a bed and hanging curtains and a door).

I had an interesting experience with having my pain body activated. I had loaned the New Earth book to my MIL because she enjoys studying comparative religion and I thought she might like to see a "new age" perspective. In return, she asked if I wanted to read her book about the new age movement from a Christian perspective. I started feeling a bit defensive and edgy just thinking about it, and then I started skimming the book. I mean, I guess I am not really surprised the the Christian perspective is that it's all heresy and directly conflicts with Biblical teachings, but upon reading through this book I felt all this rage rise to the surface and I was really really upset when I had been in a perfectly good mood before.

Overall, a good week.

10-02-2008, 01:14 PM	#34 (permalink)
Lauxa Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 2,545	2 month update This is still working for me, in that I still find it an easy thought-pattern to cultivate and maintain. I was listening to the Ajan Brahm Dharma Talks podcast and I have a bit of a new theory on why this might be working for me. He was talking about good "meditation karma" and making peace with your thoughts. I have noticed that even when I am not feeling great, I can give myself a pat on the back for being a good sport and playing the negative affirmations game. So it basically keeps me from getting into a downward spiral for feeling bad for feeling bad because instead I will feel bad but still feel good for staying focused on feeling "not good". If that makes any sense. Last week was vacation, although I still had to do my telecommute work. We were visiting family in New Jersey. I had a fantastic time, despite some high levels of anxiety. I remember other vacations to NJ when I was feeling very depressed and melancholy most of the time. The last time I went was about a year ago and I was trying the "1 week with no negative thoughts" experiment. The negative affirmations thought pattern felt easier and more natural and I think I had more fun this time (although trips to NJ are always pretty fun). I did have the occasional urge to get away from all the people and take a walk by myself in nature (there were about a dozen people on the property). I felt like I got some insight into my smoking that I would feel really compelled to smoke and then I would notice how calming it felt to get away by myself. Towards the end of the trip I would leave out the smoking and just go for a walk. I also felt very compelled to smoke whenever my anxiety levels got real high, just to take the edge off. I was working a lot with "This anxiety will not dissipate." Since I have gotten back, things have been pretty crazy. My cousin is came into town last night and I've been trying to get the guest bedroom ready for her as well as having some tight deadlines at work. I didn't get the house as clean as I wanted, but the essentials got done (buying a bed and hanging curtains and a door). I had an interesting experience with having my pain body activated. I had loaned the New Earth book to my MIL because she enjoys studying comparative religion and I thought she might like to see a "new age" perspective. In return, she asked if I wanted to read her book about the new age movement from a Christian perspective. I started feeling a bit defensive and edgy just thinking about it, and then I started skimming the book. I mean, I guess I am not really surprised the the Christian perspective is that it's all heresy and directly conflicts with Biblical teachings, but upon reading through this book I felt all this rage rise to the surface and I was really really upset when I had been in a perfectly good mood before. Overall, a good week.