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Originally Posted by 25AndJustBeginning  However, for what it's worth I am on Wellbutrin. |
They're still giving out that old blue crap?
Like Breezy, I too have felt the pain of living in a world that really looked like some half-assed artist smeared colors on a cardboard canvas and called it "art." It wasn't art to me, it was pathetic.
I had some pretty anarchistic/nihilistic thoughts for a long time and wondered if my mission in life was to just finish off this dying world through helping people make it worse. It was a fancy thought for a while and did excite me a little but it conflicted often with my values and so I never really did anything with it.
I realized a lot of my issues weren't with other people. As stupid or lazy as they may be, it all started with me. There ARE intelligent people out there, there ARE people that could amaze/impress me beyond my wildest thoughts. However, to reach them I had to work more on myself.
I had to brush off the crud (which was my old lifestyle/beliefs) and get myself up to their level. I still struggle with this because when you wallow in the filth of people who just don't care, and won't ever care, it leaves a stench (bad habits) and some time must pass before that goes away (through more discipline.)
Breezy, I'd suggest figuring out where you want to be and whom with. How far at the top could you aim to be at? It may not be a permanent solution but it will definitely put a drive back into your life.
You say you're not suicidal but by doing nothing except being frustrated you're basically killing off opportunities for yourself.
Find something to do, even dramatic stuff like applying for job positions to things WAY beyond you (after all, everything's pointless, right?) and just turn it into a game of "what if, could I do it? How far can I go with this?"