Quote:
| Angela wrote: By the way, what is it you would really love to provide for your family? I mean, a genie offers you three qualities or conditions that you can *poof* provide for your family, what would they be in an ideal world?
|
Well, it isn't so much that I am not providing for my family, like I said, I am bringing in the paycheck. But I guess it isn't ME that's really bringing in the paycheck. Like if I lose my job tomorrow, I will have lost the job that was providing for my family. My skills have gone down the tank the last few years, and I fear that if I took a job at a new place, they would see it pretty quickly and let me go quick. In a way, I'm a bit of a sham. So I know in my heart that it isn't I that is really providing for my family.
Rose wrote: (with my answers in red parenthesis)
why do you procrastinate? ...is it out of fear?
(kinda)
Are you feeling insecure at work?
(yes)
Are you having some limiting beliefs about your competence?
(yes)
Or some fears about the future?
(yes, see my comment to Angela)
Or is it out of boredeom?
(yes. My job became a burden rather quickly after I made it over the hump of learning how to do it. My college degree is somewhat wasted in the carreer that it fulfills. Ironic. After a few years at it, it stopped being challenging and started becoming repetitious. Now suddenly I am finding myself behind the curve regarding the procedures because I slept through the changing of methods. But the changing of methods wasn't exciting enough at the time for me to care)
Is it because on some deep level your job is meaningless?
(It isn't exactly meaningless. I produce a product that society needs, but it is pretty thankless. Kinda like building roads. Everyone just takes for granted that the roads are going to be built and maintained. But meanwhile, it is a lot of work and the pay is just OK. And it has no direct effect on helping people.)
What's your life purpose? What's your message? Why do you do the job you do? How does it fit in, how does it express your life mission? Or is it out of resistance? Is it because you don't really want to do what you do? Do you have some dream, something you'd love to do rather than working at your current job? Or do you have something against your job, is it a pain in the ass?
(Like I said, I feel like I need to be helping people. I'm a good communicator. I'm a good mediator. I like feeling accomplishments more often than this business provides. The only real accomplishments I ever feel is getting paid. It feels empty. My favorite thing to do is learn something new and then teach others. I think that plays my ego a bit and drives me. I can study something new for HOURS on end, and then teach somebody all about it in ways that no one else can. My wife will walk in on me helping my kid with homework and just be amazed at how clear my analogies make it for understanding. I'm good at math. I don't know. Perhaps I should get my masters and teach at University. There is an old saying, "those that can't do, teach". For me, it would appear to be true. But not because I "can't", but because it bores me to "do".)
And then, there are all the fears of the future. How well will I be able to keep this sham up? Will I manage to get my kids through college and retire? How much thieving will it take? I really kinda disgust myself. But I swear, I am a big asset! I just don't know who needs an assett like me. I wonder if I can find a niche for myself in my current industry that uses my strengths...