Quote:
Originally Posted by Brutha  Quote: |
it is difficult to share positive stories without sounding like you're bragging don't you think?
| Why should that matter? |
It really shouldn't, but it's human nature to some degree to want to cut down somebody who is vocal about "doing too well" and to view them as an arrogant jerk.
I mean, if I told a story about how I hooked up with Jessica Biel Friday, made $5 million Saturday, and got my new Ferrari Sunday... well, that's REALLY REALLY GREAT WEEKEND, but most everybody hearing that story would immediately think "Up yours, buddy!" rather than "Hurray for you!" Bragging is, I think, looking for external validation to prop up your own self-esteem -- you want people to see the good things about you. But in so doing, you're making other people feel bad about themselves: "I wish I had a Jessica Biel. I wish I had a Ferrari. ::sniff::"
A little off topic, but I feel it's important: One of my own biggest personal breakthroughs In Real Life has been to STOP bragging on myself, even the subtle stuff, even if it's all true. In real life, I'm more self-deprecating than anything. Anyhow, it's amazing how well other people, both men and women (but in different ways), respond when you stop making them feel bad about themselves.
But this, here, isn't Real Life. It's different on a personal development message board, or at least it should be. I feel like you should be able to tell that story about how wonderful your girlfriend is or how you made a million dollars or whatever without worrying about other people's egos, and certainly without other people trying to hack you down so they don't feel crappy about themselves. I feel like this forum ought to be more of an academic setting where we can set ego aside talk about what works and what doesn't work in various social situations, so it's more about LEARNING than about trying to regulate each other's egos.
So... as far as the positive vs. negative posts thing, I guess I see it from a different angle. It doesn't help me, the reader, to know "Yay, he had a great weekend", but it may help me immensely to know WHY he had a great weekend. (The examples of private jokes with the girlfriend, see, that's good stuff!) Conversely, if my dog dies and I'm having trouble coping, I'd like to be able to ask how others cope with the loss. And I think it's expected for people to ask questions when they have problems, typically "negative" things. But I feel that this forum should be more of a Personal Development forum and less of a support group. Tell me how to fix the problem or how you dealt with it in the past; I'll get the hugs from mom.
Just my 2... er 3 cents. I'm sure different people get different things out of this forum.
Disclaimer: I've never had a Ferrari, a million dollars, or a Jessica Biel. And my cat is fine.