Quote:
Originally Posted by Maguru  Regarding the problem of raising adult children a second time, I find myself in the same position. My insides scream "leave me alone." My love keeps me going. I'm tired. I feel I can't move on.
However, I do think it is time to relinquish the 'servant role.' I also think in some way I am enabling their 'disability', if you know what I mean. I mean their ability to be independant, in my children's case emotionally independant.
I believe this 'burden' is self created and may be the purpose is to see the consequences of our behaviour, or our way of being, through them. In other words to know self. I think that is what RA advocates and it is just a matter of 'how' we come to know self.
It seems the most uncomfortable experiences bring the most awareness of self. The truth is we don't look otherwise.  |
If nothing else it's good to know one is not alone. In spades.
I definitely see the connection between my own health and the boy's, as I've written elsewhere. The better I get, so does he, it appears.
Regarding the role of servant: I've really never consciously served anyone but myself (and that poorly). Yeah, I did the breadwinner thing but it was from a sense of responsibility, not love really. Maybe I don't give myself enough credit in that - plenty of fathers take off when the going gets tough, but perhaps they started at a different place. It's all relative, this learning thing.
Too, it's not clear where an illness ends and personal responsibility takes over. The psychologist and I are trying to puzzle out where that line might be. We have a fortunate feedback loop, the three of us. Bottom line is, if I don't do the work, the meds don't get ordered, the taxes don't get filed, etc.
Oh yeah, it's the uncomfortable experiences for sure that get us going, and for that I'm thankful.
Thanks for your response and good luck on your own path.