Hey, just like to compliment on another excellent website referred to me by someone. Having some serious confidence issue and would be grateful for some help. The first full article I read here was the first recommended one which was to live couragely conciously. What I learnt from that is if I keep avoiding fearful situation, the avoidance feeling will only get stronger. Also that the only way to live is to live a daring life.
So let me get to the main issue. I'm unhappy, depressed or whatever you may call it. It ain't severe depression but just those everyday unhappiness many have with their lives. I'm certain I have low self-esteem, no confidence & no love for myself. I'm sure they all mean the same. I have read many sites and tried implementing the techniques but it's just so damn difficult . I tried hypnosis, I tried CBT, whatever... just hopeless.
Now let me tell you about my life and the real life problems I have. I'm twenty years old. Well my birthday is in a week or so at which I'll turn twenty then. I kind of wish my birthday didn't come up because I hate getting older and I get anxious thinking about how there will be nobody other than my parents to wish me. Anyways I wasted my high school life. Got bad grades and worst of all hid in the washroom every lunch break to avoid people I know seeing me alone and then thinking I was a loner. I was alone because I felt scared to approach people even if I knew them. I also felt like not talking to them. I guess this is due to my low interaction with people throughout my childhood.
Right now I attend second year in college. Still the same ol' since high school. I avoid people even though when I'm in private I'd tell myself that tommorow will be the day I hang with people. My typical day in college would be go to classes I need to go and then head to the library and do homework alone. Even if I wanted to work with others I just don't have the feeling or confidence to approach them. I get nervous when I do and mumble my words. Maybe one reason why I don't try talking is becuase I think the way I talk sounds stupid. I mispronounce words and mumble a lot and that is a fact according to some people. I even recorded my voice to prove it true. I try to read articles out loud to improve my voice but I think that real solution to this is to accept myself for the speech I have. Yet it's impossible for me to feel confident.
I feel time is running out. I'm twenty and haven't had a good social life for the past years. And soon the adulthood will appear where having time for social fun will become limited. I want to experience the fun of my young years. I cry every morning(yes for a man) thinking about how crappy my life is. When I'm not in college, I always mope around at home wasting my time. I always think about doing stuff I don't, but it's either I procastinate or feel anxious to do it like calling up the manager to see whether I can still get that job I want. It's tough when you're not confidence and it practically ruins your life to the fullest.
And yes confidence does have effect on things other than my social life. It effect my studies and being in a tough second year, I'm becoming worried my marks will be very bad, much worse than first year. I procastinate a lot and leave my work to the last minute. Root cause I guess is again, self confidence. *sigh*
All the advice I can get will be truly grateful. If I can solve my confidence issue I'm have great hope that my life is be much better.
Thank you and some of you might have read this exact post on another website. Bear with me, I'm the same person
