[mindzer0]

First off, I just want to make it clear that I am not against any religion, I just think that everyone has their 'fit', ya kno?

Ok, I use to be a christian, but it was so very wrong for me, I was born into a christian family, went to a christian school, and was actually very faithful. However I always had this underlying dislike for the religion, I didn't agree with it, often questioned it, and the dogma just made me feel bad about the things I wanted for myself . Basically the entire religion made me feel really bad and unhappy. So I left christianity and slowly started to feel better.
Eventually I came across things like meditation, lucid dreaming, Personal Developement, and the concept that I wouldn't be judged for my actions and condemned, that as long a I followed my passion I'd be fine, I felt liberated! HAPPY, JOYOUS, ALIVE, better than I had ever felt before, it just felt right! So i stuck with it.
I was really starting to make progress until recently I met this really intelligent christian who basically managed to use biblical scipture to 'stir up' an emotional response from the old christian in me (tears and everything) to the point that I was questioning what I currently believed. However after he left, I couldn't figure out what had just happeden to me. Why was I crying? I wasn't 'Feeling God's Love' or anything like that. What I was feeling was despair at the possibility that what had made me so happy might be wrong, not Joy at returning to christianity. Just to be sure I analyzed my feelings, and it was the same negative miserable feeling I had when I used to be christian. The very idea of returning to that belief system made me feel empty and hopeless.
Prior to meeting this guy, I felt like I was making a breakthrough. I was feeling great, Loving everyone and everything, even people I had once hated.

I decided a long time ago that I simply cannot follow a belief system that doesn't make me happy, and hopeful about life(who can??), but my problem is that these thoughts and feelings reguarding my old beliefs are persisting and they taint every ambtion and intention I have with doubt. I keep thinking this is my mind trying to resolve a block to my progression in a displeasing way, but then I don't know what the block is. Can anyone explain or rationalize this in some way for me please?