Ok, you just called me ignorant because i believe in God, but i understand you are feeling you heart is broke and you are emotionally un-stable so i guess i understand you, just give yourself some time to feel this things because all this that you are going trough is understandable, some things are the result of other things, for example why would you suddenly stop enjoying something you liked like traveling? i think thats because of the dissapointment of other things, you feel so bad that you dont feel like celebrating or having fun, you just dont feel like it.
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I think people have their bright pink glasses shattered somewhere at the age of 40, I think I got mine destroyed somewhere at 18. The more I get to know the world the more I think it is a total waste of my time. Before I looked into the future, thought how things could be, now, I really can't remember any single thing to care about.
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You where raised in a very naive way i suposse, to think that people at age 40 realize what you have realized at 18 is very naive, you may think you are very special, and this two things are the causes of your problem.
If you keep like this you will become suicidal, why to live if you dont enjoy life?.
These "people" dont loose their innocence at 40 like you think and you are not more special or different that any one person in this world, you have no unique qualities or problems that only apply to yourself, but like veryone else in this world you should do something to get over it, get over your broken heart, for the well beign of yourself, stop feeding that sadness in you and start doing something to get out of your depression, or else youll live a sad life and then you die.
Or heres a solution you may not like, believe and seek God and youll find peace and hapyness even among problems.
This is what Jesus says to the whole world:
Mat 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Mat 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Mat 11:30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.