[mattpd]

Okay, a new forum rule:

For each thread containing negativity, for example:

- My relationship totally sucks
- I have major insecurities / things wrong with me / I'm screwed
- My heart is broken / I love someone who doesn't love me back
- I have disaster / failure / a massive problem / my life sucks
- Other people do me wrong / my friends suck
- I have problems with my family

An established member of the forum must post a positive & feel good thread.

A quick scan of the current front page of the forum:

27 Problems / Negativity / Disaster / Bad Stuff Threads
3 Neutral discussion threads
0 Positive / Happy / Feel Good Threads

So the goal is to make it at least 51% positive & 49% bad stuff.

The major issue with a forum like this is that is becomes a hive for victims. So the people getting most attention, and the most spotlight are the people with the most problems. And in reality instead of assisting in solving them it actually trains people that its actually better to have problems because they get more attention for screwing things up.

Its important for people who are new here, or those who visit regularly to see positive stories, and success, and they can use this for inspiration and hope. Unless this is actually the purpose of this forum to reinforce bad beliefs about life and relationships, and to be a place for the absolute worst of the worst life situations, because I really think that the structure and current approach to this community is actually hurting rather than helping.

More than anything, anyone with a reasonably positive attitude with limited personal issues is simply going to find this place too draining, and way too negative and disaster driven with no real system in place to actually assist in happiness improvement, and like watching the news that only contains the worst of the worst stories.

I think the regular members need a good smack really, on the bottom. So I'm going to do it with a virtual stick. Bam. Take some control here, take the lead, and break the cycle and break the trend. Make this a place of some awesome stories, and happiness, and not just a magnet for those at the bottom because without examples of success advice isn't worth anything.

Maybe the tidal wave of problems and negativity is too big to handle, maybe there are just too many new people with too many new problems. Well I suggest maybe restructuring the forum and how you go about this process. Maybe putting a 4 days wait from registering to posting and in the meantime they need to read a section on the basics of having 100% responsibility for your life, and some basic advice on the importance of putting a slant of positivity on your thread and the importance of making an effort.

Life isn't perfect we all go through problems, and I was the world's no1 victim at one stage. I created a reality completely full of problems and issues, and disaster, and really the only thing that helped me out of was learning from people who had succeeded, not posting on a forum where everybody else was in disaster stations.

There could some common arguments, such as some people need help in these situations in need, and I am being insensitive because its sad. Well, maybe I am, but I really believe that many of these problems exist because people get way too much validation from being hopeless rather than being successful and making smart decisions. And if you cut the attention from screwing things up then on a core level people are much less likely to.

I mean, c'mon. 99% of these problems could be prevented with some common sense, and there needs to be less of a tolerance for people who are completely clueless. All these pain threads, and life is so hard, and I must go through this long process of rebuilding, is mostly caused by lying to yourself and being in denial. And lack of getting over yourself and avoiding a decent mirror.

And this thread has a limited focus on taking action. Lots of "OMG lets think about this", and "lets get theoretical on my ....." or "lets have a group hug" - and not enough about reality and get your ass into gear and quit kidding yourself.

Maybe I have it wrong, maybe its not about happiness. But I think I just cop way too many people I talk to who spend 99% of their time talking about their unhappiness and 1% of their time doing something that will really improve their situation. And places like this only contribute to that complete imbalance.

You talk about this place as the 3rd eye, I really don't think so. I think its a place where people don't really improve or value happiness and things being great. Its a great place to all talk about your problems without people having been here a while actually making it a place that feels good.

Where is the good stuff here? Where are the happy stories? Where are the inspirational bits? Why isn't this just a place for people to share misery?

Maybe you could have a single thread called "post your disaster" and then people can post into that with their problems, and that leaves the rest of the forum for positive stories, success stories, learning from people who have awesome relationships, and feel good stuff. That may not happen instantly as its the exact opposite to what is happening now.

Its almost like a competition in this place of who screwed their life up the most.

If you read this then stop being a spectator and take the initiative yourself to post a thread that is positive.

---------------

So here I am, I'm going first.

This weekend was awesome.

After so many bad relationships its great to finally be with someone whom time is really enjoyable, and it just flies.

We have this special language thing going where we have about 1,000 private jokes and this includes:

- Putting 'le' at the start of most words and speaking with a French accent
- using limited German to interact
- reciting funny lines from movies that no-one else gets
- using an accent to say vulgar things in public but no-one else can de-code

I'm looking forward to maybe taking a Spanish course together, that will only increase our ability to make the funniest things out of nothing and laugh most of the time we hang out.

Its like we have a bubble and we are communicating on such a similar level much of the time, and we have our own special language starting to develop together. Time seems to fly, and pretty much anything becomes fun and funny.

I think we share a dry sarcastic sense of humour and the ability to laugh at almost nothing. So this weekend I laughed soo much it was awesome.