elainevdw,
I've been through what you are living. In fact my beliefs keep changing. The best I can offer you is...
This book...
It was written along time ago...
But it is the best thing I have ever read...
Somepeople say its the book Bill Gates read, and caused him to dropout of Harvard and become an entreprenuer...
And it is free...
Here is a link to info:
Charles F. Haanel's Master Key System
Here is a direct link to the pdf:
http://www.startster.com/downloads/M...Key_System.pdf
Chapter 3 has some great stuff on energy
Good Luck,