First off, I'm surprised that no one else has replied to this.
Anyway, here I go:
Christian,
I really do emphatise with you, I have a similiar situation with my father.
A big realisation that came to me as a result of workign with my coach was that my father wasn't ready or didn't want to change. You might be thinking that's insane, how could anyone want to be angry and have low self esteem?
Yes, on a purely intellectual level, people will always say they want to be happy, but looking around a lot of peopel aren't chosing happiness.
You get an emotional payoff from everything you do, even if it's self destructive. They're the emotions your father is used to. He's created the reality where he's not in control and lashes out and doesn't really know how to deal with people.
My father feels like a victim all the time, throws tantrums when things don't go his way and get's upset over minor things like the cat getting upstairs. He's frustrated because he feels powerless so he's lashing out trying to exert control (through the use of treats, guilt, mistreating your love) over his family.
Yeah, I'd love it if he could be happy, but I love him anyway. He sees me enjoying life yeet he doesn't want to share my beliefs or want help.
I'd advocate exercising some more compassion with him. Yes, there is most definitely a better way, but he doesn't know that, he's doing the best he can with what he knows right now. And if he doesn't want to learn, you can't force that. No matter how frustrating and upsetting it might be to you to see him self destruct.
What if you could love him for who he is, rather than for all he's not?
This has been very rambly, but I trust it helps,
Colm |