[Maguru]

Originally Posted by SonoranBob

Well ... if someone makes me angry, my most natural reaction might be to stove their head in with a crowbar,

nice thought but you would never do it would you? I think your natural response is the anger itself. The reaction comes in through the head from past experience/conditioning. Anger in itself is a healthy emotion. It's when it is out of control that it becomes harmful. Angry behaviour is totally different to feeling angry, don't you think so?

but I am comfortable admitting that might not be the best possible response, and that the consequences I would then likely know would be excessively bad for me, too. Society has rules to balance my need to honestly feel and express my anger with the right of other people to not have their heads bashed in. And I think that's mostly a Good Thing.

Societies' rules did not stop me from losing my temper or behaving violently. My feeling like **** did

I am always judging my reactions but not in the sense of condemning and criticizing myself for having the reactions. Rather, I look for the most effective ways to take responsibility for what I feel and to communicate that (or sometimes not!) to others. For example, it's usually better to say to myself, "I am feeling angry" than to say to myself, "I am angry". You can validate the feeling without identifying with it. Then you can more objectively decide what to do with the feeling. I usually feel better when I handle myself skillfully under stress, even though if I don't manage that, I don't beat myself up about it, either.

Yes, I use this method of dealing with my emotions but it was difficult to claim them as mine sometimes. In validating my own feelings such as anger, I am in control instead of being controlled. I can then decide on a course of action or not.

Yes, it's a weakness of mine sometimes. There are times when people do need to be whacked upside the head to snap them out of their dream world and I'm usually a day late and a dollar short when it comes to that sort of thing. Sorry! As my wife was fond of saying, "your greatest strength is also you greatest weakness".

--Bob

Self-awareness at it's best.