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striving4peace · 09-21-2008, 10:18 AM

Yes, I see the predicament

And it's ironic that a friend once told me that she didn't think I had the confidence - and asked me to prove it by trying to be sensual with and pick someone up in a bar. I told her that it's her misconception that I don't have that level of confidence - and that I could come up with a lot of other past incidents and tests to benchmark my confidence level. But yes, sometimes I do wonder if I'll be able to get it perfectly down straight away because translating confidence to sensuality is different from translating it to say - public speaking or martial arts fighting.

I agree that instead of subjecting myself to what I believe the expectations and opinions of women in general, I should focus on what it takes to attract that one woman.

Yes, I would like to be confident - not just for attracting women, but to do better at life and be at ease. I like to think I generally am confident - but there's room for improvement.

I think your approach is a lot like the teachings in Eckhart Tolle's power of Now or Zen buddhism - about being myself - and not basing self worth on anything like body image, past, future - which I think is possibly the best way to go and am exploring those paths too.

Confidence is 'belief in ones self or ability'. Do I believe that my body and appearance can attract that girl I visualize? Actually that question itself is wrong, irrelevant and I need to stop thinking in that direction. It is predicated on the premise that body and appearance is the sole pre-requisite (which I fail) to attract girls and is the limiting belief I have grown up with and need to discard. The paradigm I'm trying to shift to is 'I will attract her because I am confident, not solely based on my body and appearance' and finally to 'I will attract her because I CAN'. So technically I shouldn't even be going by the expectations and opinions of the girl in question too much - those can be changed or bypassed with exceptions.

I'll continue to work on my own body but just for the sake of being be happy with it. Looking fit - regardless of who's seeing me fit - is it's own reward. Looking aesthetically pleasing to me would be like a work of art that I would have put a lot of effort into and can be proud of.

Thank you

09-21-2008, 10:18 AM	#13 (permalink)
striving4peace Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 204	Yes, I see the predicament And it's ironic that a friend once told me that she didn't think I had the confidence - and asked me to prove it by trying to be sensual with and pick someone up in a bar. I told her that it's her misconception that I don't have that level of confidence - and that I could come up with a lot of other past incidents and tests to benchmark my confidence level. But yes, sometimes I do wonder if I'll be able to get it perfectly down straight away because translating confidence to sensuality is different from translating it to say - public speaking or martial arts fighting. I agree that instead of subjecting myself to what I believe the expectations and opinions of women in general, I should focus on what it takes to attract that one woman. Yes, I would like to be confident - not just for attracting women, but to do better at life and be at ease. I like to think I generally am confident - but there's room for improvement. I think your approach is a lot like the teachings in Eckhart Tolle's power of Now or Zen buddhism - about being myself - and not basing self worth on anything like body image, past, future - which I think is possibly the best way to go and am exploring those paths too. Confidence is 'belief in ones self or ability'. Do I believe that my body and appearance can attract that girl I visualize? Actually that question itself is wrong, irrelevant and I need to stop thinking in that direction. It is predicated on the premise that body and appearance is the sole pre-requisite (which I fail) to attract girls and is the limiting belief I have grown up with and need to discard. The paradigm I'm trying to shift to is 'I will attract her because I am confident, not solely based on my body and appearance' and finally to 'I will attract her because I CAN'. So technically I shouldn't even be going by the expectations and opinions of the girl in question too much - those can be changed or bypassed with exceptions. I'll continue to work on my own body but just for the sake of being be happy with it. Looking fit - regardless of who's seeing me fit - is it's own reward. Looking aesthetically pleasing to me would be like a work of art that I would have put a lot of effort into and can be proud of. Thank you Last edited by striving4peace; 09-21-2008 at 10:22 AM.