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striving4peace · 09-17-2008, 10:59 AM

@Alison Jenkins
Yes, it is hard when not just society as a whole, but some of your closest friends are people who have been pursuing sex freely and think nothing of virginity (for males) and casual sex / one night stands. We've had discussions where they have advocated thier path, but at the end I know they respect what I am, think and do - yet I sometimes wonder if I seem illogical (read scared, stupid) to them for abstaining - but that's probably just me.
I guess till very recently I was not ready to have sex - but I think I am now, but with someone I really connect with and care about. (and not because of some notion of them being able to care enough about me to 'bear' with the body image that I see - this was what I used to feel till recently)

@Cristal Lily
I understood your analogy, I think it's an accurate representation. It is a contradiction to be in that state of confidence, and to try to be confident to get the acceptance of the opposite gender.
I was trying to apply what I have understood about the dynamics of attraction: that women like confident men. It's not that I cannot talk to women or be funny - I just have never been able to reach levels of confidence where I could be sensual - and yes, not being able to initiate in an environment where girls asking guys out is unheard of, has it's problems. But I have to work with and through the system to get my objective. Now, I am honest when I say that the primary factor I have abstained is because I didn't find someone who I would have liked to have had a relationship with (or the truth is - the people I did find were not single or unavailable for other reasons)
But I want to ensure that if that opening did come along where I would have to seem attractive to a person I believe I could connect with - I don't want to fall short and slip into the 'friend' zone.
I feel though, that I could reach that level of confidence if I were to overcome the remenants of the bad body image I still carry - either by reaching a desired level of fitness or by learning to completely accept and deal with what I am (the latter obviously being a more permenant and lasting solution, but the former increasing my chances of attraction)

09-17-2008, 10:59 AM	#7 (permalink)
striving4peace Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 204	@Alison Jenkins Yes, it is hard when not just society as a whole, but some of your closest friends are people who have been pursuing sex freely and think nothing of virginity (for males) and casual sex / one night stands. We've had discussions where they have advocated thier path, but at the end I know they respect what I am, think and do - yet I sometimes wonder if I seem illogical (read scared, stupid) to them for abstaining - but that's probably just me. I guess till very recently I was not ready to have sex - but I think I am now, but with someone I really connect with and care about. (and not because of some notion of them being able to care enough about me to 'bear' with the body image that I see - this was what I used to feel till recently) @Cristal Lily I understood your analogy, I think it's an accurate representation. It is a contradiction to be in that state of confidence, and to try to be confident to get the acceptance of the opposite gender. I was trying to apply what I have understood about the dynamics of attraction: that women like confident men. It's not that I cannot talk to women or be funny - I just have never been able to reach levels of confidence where I could be sensual - and yes, not being able to initiate in an environment where girls asking guys out is unheard of, has it's problems. But I have to work with and through the system to get my objective. Now, I am honest when I say that the primary factor I have abstained is because I didn't find someone who I would have liked to have had a relationship with (or the truth is - the people I did find were not single or unavailable for other reasons) But I want to ensure that if that opening did come along where I would have to seem attractive to a person I believe I could connect with - I don't want to fall short and slip into the 'friend' zone. I feel though, that I could reach that level of confidence if I were to overcome the remenants of the bad body image I still carry - either by reaching a desired level of fitness or by learning to completely accept and deal with what I am (the latter obviously being a more permenant and lasting solution, but the former increasing my chances of attraction)