Last night, something interesting happened. I had insomnia for the first time in a month, since I started following Steve's getting-up-early post and waking up at 8am every morning. While I was lying in bed totally un-sleepy, I entered a strange mentalstate. I was very horny, and my thoughts became bent very intensely on things I long for, but neither the horniness nor the longing was in a frustrated or "grasping" way. It was almost more like a physical hunger, which I was able to observe impassionately with no emotional attachment at all. Although I was longing very heart-wrenchingly for certain things, there was no self-pity, no negative emotions at all.
Suddenly, I had a realization, and I somehow "knew" that I was in "gnosis", the state that chaos wizards talk about, the state in which thoughts are imbued most strongly with magic. Now, I put "knew" in quotation marks, because looking back on it now, I can't see how on earth I came to that bizarre conclusion. There's absolutely no justifying it logically now, but at the time, I was absolutely certain of it. Like how you can be absolutely certain of the most ludicrous things while you're dreaming. But I'm sure I was still awake.
So I started thinking positive affirmations. I felt a certain joy in my confidence that because of the gnosis-charged affirmations, the things I was longing for would become inevitable. This continued for some unknown amount of time until I finally drifted off.
Now there are two other interesting things I should say.
1. Try as I might, I have *NO* recollection exactly what I was longing for last night (besides general sexual release). I remember longing for these things, but I don't remember what they actually were! Neither can I remember what positive affirmations I started thinking when I had my "realization". It's all blank. I can remember other details perfectly, but when I try to remember what I longed for or what I affirmed, there's nothing.
2. Today, because of the insomnia I slept in til 9, but that still amounts to very little sleep. Nonetheless, the whole day I've had tons of energy, even to this very moment (and it's past my usual bedtime as I type this). What's more, today was a really good day all throughout. I shouldn't go into details, but suffice it to say some things I normally affirm in my daily affirms, came to me today quite effortlessly.
So, what do you guys think? It's a very interesting situation and quite honestly, I wouldn't mind if it happens again!
