Your situation sounds a lot like my sweetheart's -- in my coaching, he found he had a couple of limiting beliefs that had him continuously striving to be other than where he is. He started believing this self-stoppers when something happened when he was 9 years old, and so he'd had years of practice believing them! So he would spend his life feeling like he would be satisfied and fulfilled, if only he were not where he is. Never here and now. This had a huge impact on him and the people in his life, and when he was really present to those impacts, a new possibility arose for him that worked much better, and helped him to practice letting go of his old pain beliefs that he hadn't even realized were running him.
I highly recommend boldly looking at your habitual thoughts, to see how beliefs you're not even consciously aware of are controlling you.
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