You're right that as soon as you disengage from this pattern you two have -- I mean, as soon as you really let go of having your emotional well-being be 100% dependent on her words and actions -- it's true, your relationship will be dead.
And in that moment, you have the opportunity to give birth to an entirely new one, possibly even with your beloved wife, if you want to.
It's scary, though, because you have appointed her the All Powerful Dictator of how you feel, and to fire her from that job really will feel like a kind of death, for both of you.
Your well-being has nothing to do with her, and everything to do with you. When are you going to accept the role of Chief Person in Charge of How You Feel?
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