MyEyeIsOpen, sounds like your wife is very egocentric in her relationship with you. I get the sense that you're someone with a compassionate heart and that you were initially drawn to her by way of this heart and that your compassion has fueled her existence from the beginning?
Well my situation is as I describe above. I decided to marry my wife 13 years ago because of my compassion and I'm just now finally putting an end to this wrong relationship, which has been a journey down a vicious cycle.
Basically, our relationship was focused on her and I sacrificed my own energy and personal development to fuel her ego and insecurities. Despite this, I was able to continue to grow (albeit at a much slower pace than I would have otherwise), but the thing was that instead of her keeping pace with me on her own, I carried her the whole way. She survived over the years by figuring out how to control and manipulate me to her advantage - the worst part was I didn't even realize it.
I was never really happy throughout the relationship but I never fully realized the gravity of the situation until I decided to file for divorce about 12 months ago and she started realizing that I was dead serious about pushing this all the way through. It's only then that I started seeing the truth about the nature of our relationship.
The reason it's taking me so long to end this is because I've had to continue to develop on my own to free myself from this situation but also because she's fought this as if her life depended on it. And essentially it does - she's about to lose her host organism.
Well this was my decision. I'm still waiting for my divorce to finalize but I'm much happier now and I feel like my life is back on track to the one I was supposed to have taken 13 years ago.
Your situation and decision may be somewhat different from mine. If you decide to try to work things out, I believe you'll need to get her spiritual intervention from some solid women. You may need to lead her to it but you're not the one who can fix her condition. Only she can decide to change things because, as already mentioned, the more you try, the more you'll be perpetuating the status quo.
God bless!
Steve
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