MyEyeIsOpen (and others interested),
In this 3-part post I hope to help broaden your perspective beyond the scope of your problem, and instead of just giving you advice, actually give you some examples and actionable practices that you can implement should you further investigate some of the things I'll mention.
This all comes from personal experience, so rest-assured that it's results-orientated and holistic--something that will benefit all areas of your life.
Some of what I talk about may conflict with your view of reality, but consider it all the same. In general, we humans all talk about the same things, so while we may disagree on the semantics or even the concepts at first, if we consider something for long enough, eventually we find a truth--something shared between differing perspectives--that we can agree on and find useful.
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Steve said this to you:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina  You're still making the mistake of entering her frame. You'll always lose when you do this. |
I've done a fair bit of research in the area of behaviour and conditioning, and I have a lot of hands on experience. I'm by no means perfect, nor are my results always perfect, but at least when it comes to myself and the relationships I have consciously engaged in (not the ones that were existing and had history behind them), I have positive, good results--results you might call healthy and empowering, not unhealthy, unbalanced, and disempowering.
Since I understand the mechanics of these concepts and have seen lots of great examples, I'll flesh out what Steve was referring to help you out a bit.
* * *
The idea Steve is expressing is that so long as you're focused on what you are as something you need to fix or something that needs to change, you're going to be unwittingly perpetuating it.
If you subscribe to the idea of vibration and the law of attraction, the basic premise behind the universe is that focus is inclusive. You cannot not include something, only focus on something different. To put it another way:
It's about focus. Thought is focus. Observation is focus. You paint the picture with your focus. What are you painting with your focus?
– Bruce Achterberg, Twitter / Bruce Achterberg: It's about focus. Thought i...
So if you focus on something bad, you're saying to the universe, "yep, bring me more of the vibrational essence of this--what this feels like." And it doesn't just happen on a high level. It's very practical. I.e. If your partner does something you don't like, and you focus on it, the instant you do that, you notice that your vibration is not so much about what they did, but about you focusing on something that you don't like, which causes you to feel resistance. And this feeling of resistance is what perpetuates your situation. No matter what action results from that feeling of resistance, you can trace it all back to that initial feeling of resistance which is a result of you focusing on something that does not feel good--something that doesn't align with your desires.
Realise that when you feel bad, that's your internal guidance doing it's job. It's not that you should get rid of what you're focusing on--it's that you should shift your focus, which is a matter of changing "what" you look at or "how" you look at something (i.e. how you interpret it).
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
– Wayne Dyer
To put this another way, here's something I wrote in a
recent post:
I see people around me crying for external sources to come to their aid, but they don't need that. It may seem like they do, but that's a belief that will only perpetuate their position. Seeking aid from external sources to make improvements in your life is like holding a cardboard silhouette cut-out in front of a torch, shining it on the wall, and asking people to make the light shining on the wall more complete. It's not about fixing the projection--that's just a natural result of the torch. It's about letting go of what is obstructing the torch in the first place, or in the case of humans, choosing to align with yourself instead of the limiting and inaccurate beliefs, and the fears that cause you to be less than what you are.
The above was related to a separate issue to the one in this thread, but the torch analogy holds up. Basically, it's no good trying to fix the projection of the torch--you simply have to drop what's covering it in the first place if you want the torch to shine brightly. To do that, you need to realise that you are indeed the one holding something in front of the torch, even if it's something about another person and you think that it's "not you." Realise that it's all you from a certain perspective, so taking responsibility on that level can be extremely effective on the more individualised, "I'm me, you are you" application level.
Regardless of the mechanics behind this, I'm sure you can at least see that what I'm talking about actually occurs in reality (the lens you use to look at it and label it is unimportant).
So that's enough about the theory side of this. Let's get to some more practical stuff. Onwards to the post below.