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ns123 · 09-11-2008, 05:27 PM

blueeyeathena,

Good on you for setting things in motion to change your situation. I applaud you for having the courage to leave.

And yes, if you can come to an agreement on how things will be divided up, it won't cost you that much and it won't take very long. A friend of mine's divorce cost him just the court costs, which I think amounted to $40, because his wife didn't want anything. She just wanted out. He got the house, the kids, everything, and she got her "escape."

I hope your divorce goes smoothly and that you will begin stepping into your new, joyful, wonderful life.

Sisyphus2,

You need to leave. And leave now. Your family, your husband, is not doing anything to you that you have not allowed them to do to you. You allow them to ruin your life by choosing to remain in this situation. Leave.

I struggled with this issue for years. Someone who I love dearly is just like your husband and I finally had to kick him out of my house. I wanted to save him, he was my family. In the end, I almost allowed him to ruin my own life and my wonderful marriage. Since he's been out, he's not killed himself, he's not homeless, but he has gotten worse off since he lived with me.

When you are someone's keeper for so long, and you love that person, you feel as if it's your duty to go to hell and back for them. The problem is, they don't want to get out of hell, and you don't want to stay there. So sometimes, you have to "go back" to the land of the living without them and let them climb out of their own hell. Or not. It's their choice. You cannot make it for them.

I kicked him out of my home, it's been five years, and he's still in hell. And I beat myself up for years about it, because I love him dearly. Once I realized that it's not my job to save him, I cannot save someone against their own will, I started letting go of that pain.

I tell him that when he's ready, when he's pulled himself out of hell, he could always come back and my heart and home will always be open to him. But not until then. And he cannot tell me he's ready, he has to demonstrate it first. You'll be surprised how people say they will do something, but don't really end up doing it.

09-11-2008, 05:27 PM	#27 (permalink)
ns123 Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 654	blueeyeathena, Good on you for setting things in motion to change your situation. I applaud you for having the courage to leave. And yes, if you can come to an agreement on how things will be divided up, it won't cost you that much and it won't take very long. A friend of mine's divorce cost him just the court costs, which I think amounted to $40, because his wife didn't want anything. She just wanted out. He got the house, the kids, everything, and she got her "escape." I hope your divorce goes smoothly and that you will begin stepping into your new, joyful, wonderful life. Sisyphus2, You need to leave. And leave now. Your family, your husband, is not doing anything to you that you have not allowed them to do to you. You allow them to ruin your life by choosing to remain in this situation. Leave. I struggled with this issue for years. Someone who I love dearly is just like your husband and I finally had to kick him out of my house. I wanted to save him, he was my family. In the end, I almost allowed him to ruin my own life and my wonderful marriage. Since he's been out, he's not killed himself, he's not homeless, but he has gotten worse off since he lived with me. When you are someone's keeper for so long, and you love that person, you feel as if it's your duty to go to hell and back for them. The problem is, they don't want to get out of hell, and you don't want to stay there. So sometimes, you have to "go back" to the land of the living without them and let them climb out of their own hell. Or not. It's their choice. You cannot make it for them. I kicked him out of my home, it's been five years, and he's still in hell. And I beat myself up for years about it, because I love him dearly. Once I realized that it's not my job to save him, I cannot save someone against their own will, I started letting go of that pain. I tell him that when he's ready, when he's pulled himself out of hell, he could always come back and my heart and home will always be open to him. But not until then. And he cannot tell me he's ready, he has to demonstrate it first. You'll be surprised how people say they will do something, but don't really end up doing it.