[blueyedathena]

So like Sisyphus I married a man who was not ready to be a husband in any sense of the word except that he wanted someone to be a wife in the biblical. Only ever having seen dysfunctional relationships I thought this was how it is supposed to be. And knowing my beliefs from a religious standpoint I believe that this is all there is, marriage is a lifelong commitment and should be carried out as such.(wow that makes it sound like a death sentence) In the past two years of our marriage he has had jobs and either quit them all or been fired from them due to his own stupidity, he has made promises to me and to his parents (who have been financially supporting us through his last stint of unemployment), and he has been angry with me for where all "our" money is going because he sees his entire paycheck get deposited to our account and I don't want to give him money for cigarettes (which I am allergic to). Now I understand that I am partially to blame for marrying him so soon after we had started dating, we were together 1yr 3 mons before tying the knot. Also I was 19 at the time and as we all well know no one really knows who they are at 19 let alone what they truly want. (This is not to say that every marriage before or around this age is doomed I just don't think I should have jumped in so soon) At 19 I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted I have always been on the fast track in life and wanted it all. The husband, the house, the kids (thankfully I did not get everything I wanted at that time and still don't have it). He has never had to take care of himself before In his life, his mother has been a stay at home mom since his birth 25 years ago and has been cleaning up for him ever since. As a couple this is our 2nd financial short coming and the second time they have stepped in to help. Each time he returns to the same stupidity because mommy and daddy will always be there to fix it for him. I have completely resigned myself to the what if of him not meeting his "goals" by the end of the two months. However I don't feel like I can move on and I suppose that is my fault too if I really wanted to see results I should have made his deadline shorter but two months made sense at the time. Like I said before however I am not patient at least not in waiting for "grow-ups" and I am still having the internal struggle as to whether what I am doing by "leaving" him is right. My parents (mother and step father, the perfect example of a realtionship that should have ended) try to be supportive but I wonder at this point if their relationship with him and the fact that my step father and husband are so similar is hurting me more then helping.

So now that I have blurped our entire marriage story and essentially why I am living with my parents again. Here is the problem I am faced with at this moment, what can I do in the meantime to keep my self occupied (am getting certifications of my own, participating in two bible studies through my second job which just happens to be a church, and working almost 60 hours per week at my full time job not to mention the time at the second job). However I am finding myself still pre-occupied with things about our relationship in the past month that have made me confused and frustrated and are cornerstones that lead me to the finial strike of him quitting his job that pushed me over the edge.

I have lost all physical attraction to him, I don't feel like I can relate to anything he finds entertaining, I am frustrated by many of his actions (including but not limited to his inability to keep a job), and I find myself secretly wishing that the two months was over and I found out he had cheated on me making it so much easier to just say "I'm done". At this point I have no intention of moving back into the house that we currently can't afford, because I am the only one working, that I don;t have any attachment to. We had two dogs and I had to give them up because I could not take care of them with the number of hours I work to keep our heads above water and he cannot be bothered to let them out to go to the bathroom but will b**** when they make a mess on the floor (it is not like they can let themselves out to use the restroom). I am just so angry and frustrated about the whole mess that I all can think about is making a big mistake with another person to take my mind off the person that is frustrating me. I know this would only cause more problems then it would solve, which is none. But at this point maybe my standards are just set too high but I don't see anyway that my husband can live up to what I have asked of him in the next month and a half and I don't think that I want him to.


So I suppose after all this I am just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to send him back to WI to his parents and start life over when the mountain of debt includes a contract with a debt solution agency and a house we cannot afford and in this market slump cannot sell. Plus I think the worst part of it all is I find myself wondering if I married him because I wanted him and love him or if I married him because I love his family.
Perhaps I am just being stupid to want it all you know a husband who loves me and will work with me as a partner, I suppose I just posted on here to see if Sisyphus has any advice as she was going through the same thing around this time last year. Maybe a year has given her wisdom to pass on to my situation. Someone please help me.