I know there's nothing I can say to change your mind, Radical. And I doubt there is something I could say just to make you think twice about your belief system. Maybe I'll just say what I personally did, and you can do whatever you want with that information. Of course, I'm a little long winded, so maybe you won't even read this post :-P.
Looking back, I suppose the main reason why I changed was because I wasn't happy being a mechanical-atheist. I simply wasn't happy. Maybe there is something inside of us that tells us that the truth will ultimately make you feel really good :-P. But I thought I had truth, and I didn't feel really good :-P. I argued with people, and told them how stupid they were, and explained everything they experienced from my mechanical perspective. But I was not happy. I didn't enjoy life, and I found it very hard and difficult. I suppose that was the root that caused me to change.
From there, my curiosity led me to research psychic abilities. I went on forums, and heard people asking for help, because a ghost had invaded their house and caused things to fly across the room. I would think to myself, "Good lord! These people are really delusional! Don't they realize ghosts don't exist? These people need serious mental help." I suppose the desire to prove people wrong led me to researching psychic abilities quite a lot. I think I was part curious, and part just wanted to prove everyone was stupid in my head :-P.
Over time, a lingering question started to appear in my mind. I had met and seen a lot of people who believed in psychic abilities, and who could claim to do psychic feats. Sure, I could explain each individual away using coincidence, or that they were lying, or delusional. And I did :-P. But there was an underlying problem: how could there be so many delusional people? How could that be? How was it that everyone around me was stupid, and I was the only smart one? Now sure... you can say "coincidence", or "you're a nut", or "you're lying"... but after a while, those words start to lose meaning. You can only say that so many times before you start to think to yourself, "Hmmm ... maybe there is something else going on here? Because I sure am resorting to those three explanations quite a lot. These situations just seem more complicated than that."
Once that question entered my mind... I got the balls to actually TRY some exercises these supposed "nut jobs" were telling me to try. I had never tried them before, because I already "knew" that nothing would happen. But I was a bored teenager, and I had this lingering doubt, so I had to give it a shot. And when I did, I started experiencing some things they described.
Now for the kicker.
I don't think it was the actual psychic experiences that convinced me. I think what actually convinced me was that I would explain my own simple experiences with other mechanical-atheists. And they're reaction was that I was delusional! It felt like I was arguing with myself! I wanted to reach out, and say, "NO! I'm not one of those delusional nut jobs... I'm one of you! I'm on the good side! It's just I can't explain this experience completely... Just listen to me for a second! This is serious!"
When I finally saw my own personality from the outside looking in... that convinced me. When suddenly I found myself being labeled as the delusional one, and I saw how the mechanical-atheist wouldn't listen to one word that I said... that's when I realized that that was how I acted to others. And it sucked.
I didn't leave the mechanical world by choice. The mechanical-atheists pushed me out because my experiences didn't align with their beliefs. It's easy to label others as delusional nutjobs, or liars, or label an experience as just random luck. Until you personally experience it. And when you do, try explaining your experience to another like-minded mechanical-atheist :-P.
~Sean
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