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Originally Posted by Angela  I don't think women have the monopoly on wanting to feel good. Men are interested in feeling good too, of course! I think women tend to be more comfortable referring to feelings as "feelings," ("How does this feel?") and men tend generally to refer to it in more utilitarian verbiage (How does this work?") -- because of the whole boys-don't-cry socialization thing. But it's all the same stuff. |
Yes, thank you. That is one other possible reasons for emotions and feelings being more equated with women than men: maby women feel more comfortable and natural talking about feelings as feelings. I find I am more comfortable with saying "what do you think about this?" rather than "how do you feel about this?" I guess asking how someone feels feels more intimate and, ehm, "touchy-feely" to me.
It is just not something that I feel comfortable with and that is an emotional preference, fully. Just as having an interesting conversation with someone on what they think on a subject, rather than how the subject makes them feel, is something that can be more emotionally rewarding to me.
And of course, guys talk about emotionally charged stuff aaaaalll the time. In a positive sense: how awesome something is, and how hot a girl is. On the negative side: how this guy pissed you off, how mad you are about X. And that is just using a stereotyped "dude/guy" scenario, there can be many more subjects where men talk about emotionally charged topics freely and naturally.
I don't know how much that has to do with socialization, though. Maybe it is just preferences. But you are right though, boys don't cry - they get flippin' mad and punch each other in the face!
The fact is that I see a lot more guys getting really mad than girls, and more girls weeping/crying than boys. Of course, women get mad plenty too, but it just seems that guys have a more bad temper. It could have something to do with the fact that guys are more physically imposing than women and often more domineering, so maybe they just express it differently. But the fact is that guys get "emotional" a lot, and that often manifests itself in anger or something related to it. I get angry/frustrated a lot, but I rarely get any emotion that calls forth the watergates. Sadness/powerlessness, those emotions that I connect with crying, they are just farther down on my emtional hierarchy than emotions such as anger. Anger and such just feels better to me than those feelings.
It is a long time since I heartily cried. The last time I can remember on the fly is 1,5 years ago. It was the finale episode of Six Feet Under and the ending was just brilliant, or so I felt when I saw it. I cried for more than five minutes, and it was a kind of melancholic good-feeling vibe over it. Weird.
So, although getting pissed and all that is a clear sign of emotion, it seems that society equates crying more with emotions. And because guys don't cry much, it gets speculated on if they maybe are repressing their emotions. Another alternative to this reality is that they just don't feel the need or desire to cry much.