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Old 09-06-2008, 12:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
Angela
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I don't think women have the monopoly on wanting to feel good. Men are interested in feeling good too, of course! I think women tend to be more comfortable referring to feelings as "feelings," ("How does this feel?") and men tend generally to refer to it in more utilitarian verbiage (How does this work?") -- because of the whole boys-don't-cry socialization thing. But it's all the same stuff.

I think, for instance, that if a man is on a date with a woman who complains about the meal, the movie, the service, etc., and generally presents herself as difficult to please, a man might feel hurt, exhausted, irritated, whatever, but I think he would be more likely to think of the experience more in terms of "that didn't work out" rather than "I'm so hurt and irritated by her behavior." Whereas on a date with a man who does all the talking, orders for her without checking with her, talks pensively about his ex-girlfriend, whatever, a woman, I think, would more likely think in terms of "I feel bullied and second-rate with that guy" -- she would tend to sit with her feelings more than a man would -- before she said, "Next!"

I don't think either gender actually feels more happy or sad or enthusiastic or morose; women just generally are more comfortable expressing and being with feeling swings. I think that's because of socialization, not because it's an innate gender difference, and I know some here disagree. And I also think that the last couple of generations of men are being more and more free to be with and to express emotions, which I think is wonderful.

And like you, I'm just noticing a general tendency, not a universal law or what either gender *should* be or do.
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