[Sentient]

I think Steve's advice sounds pretty good on this one. There are many situations in relationships where that "Reverse Outcome" type of dynamic occurs (i.e. the more you try to force one outcome, the more you create its opposite). So, the more you try to draw her back in, the more comfortable she feels pushing you away.

I've noticed this a ton in my own relationship disputes. One of the ways I can counter a fight is to become really indignant. For instance, if I apolgoize and adopt the frame that I did something wrong, there is a chance I'll get to hear more and more what I should do better. However, if I throw a hissy fit, then my girlfriend all of a sudden gets nervous she's upset me, and now she'll start apologizing to me and trying to reconcile. Voila, I get what I "want" and never even had to apologize!

It's funny, and it works, but it's also based a bit on emotional manipulation. Whenever I can, I *really* try to avoid using this "trick" since I think its consciousness lowering for both of us.

The best outcome is talking openly about things without attachment to the issues. You might think that means I would disagree with Steve. However, if your wife is firmly caught in running her patterns, you probably need to use Steve's advice first to help her break them. Then once you're in a more productive space you can move on to the real truth through honest communication.