You can pursue personal development, motivated by pain or motivated by joy.
Pain motivates stronger and more powerfully than pleasure does. When you aren't in a relationship and want to be in one (or are in one and want to be in a better one) you can be motivated by pain to make changes to your life and yourself.
Joy can motivate you through a sense of purpose, fun and exploration.
Steve talked about this in his post about the difference between self-acceptance and personal growth.
It isn't always possible to just turn these things on and off, though. If you are feeling pain in your life, you can't just tell yourself that I'm going to be motivated by joy instead. Self-acceptance combined with motivation through joy is probably the ideal state to be in, but just knowing so doesn't make it so.
Being motivated by pain and acting in accordance to that is still a step up in the consciousness ladder from giving up or settling.
I've struggled with trying to move from motivation from pain/desires of the self, to motivation from purpose and joy, but it takes time and isn't just an epiphany away. You need to slowly work at it.
For those of you who are alone and want to be with someone, motivation from pain towards your own improvement may not feel as good as motivation through purpose and joy, but fighting onwards is always a step above giving up. Good luck to you.
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