I've seen similar patterns. She wants to leave you, but she doesn't feel strong enough to pull the trigger. So she's trying to get you to do it for her.
You will need to talk about this a lot more with her to peel away the layers of falsehood. When you hit what seemed like reconciliation, it was only a temporary stop on the way to the truth. You didn't go far enough to hit the real truth yet.
Your current approach will only backfire because you're actively rewarding her for running these patterns. You can't solve the problem if you keep doing that. Things will only get worse.
One thing that will likely get you unstuck is to tell her you accept her as she is, that you accept her conclusions, and that you accept that the time has come to end your marriage. See where that leads.
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