Hi Claire,
You seem to be a very balanced and thoughtful person, in touch with yourself. However, sometimes it takes time to believe in ourselves and our strengths. You do seem to be heading there already. Just be patient and accept your strengths, then it would not hurt you if your father or anyone put you down.
As for me, my father has always been as a cynical, sarcastic and shallow person, incapable of showing (feeling?) genuine concern, and there are still trust issues. However, after many years and learning experiences later, I can suggest a few points.
Adjust your expectations: I have found that while we crave the acceptance of our uniqueness, we do not accept the unique qualities / limitations of others. We expect them to be perfect as per our standards and the same time expect them to accept us for who we are. Understanding, and then adjusting, to a tolerance midset is hard for both parents and children.
Choose your battles: Matthew's post on confronting is excellent ! By all means, one should vocalize and not internalize. However, choose your fights. A rude remark about a chore left uncompleted and a sweeping generalization about your entire being are on entirely different scales. I always refer to Aristotle's famous quote on anger at such times. Also realize that sometimes you can let some of the irritation simply pass esp with Pt 1 in mind.
Increase external activities: Focussing on external activities like good grades, projects and assignments, helping others / volunteering, hobbies, relationships, pets, plants and so on will help you to grow out of the present limitations of the environment.
I also reiterate what others have said about understanding your father's background and context, maintaining a distance at times and accepting yourself first.
Hope this helps.  |