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Originally Posted by August  Just an update..
I explained to them (not fully) how I feel regarding university. They were having none of it and were adamant that I do a degree. I couldn't assert myself at all.
Its weird because I try to explain to them and then I completely back down, I get very scared and I even feel embarressed for thinking that I could do what I want to... like its not even an option
I know I am being a complete coward by letting others control my life and that I will have to face this eventually.. but I find it SO hard to be courageous and assert myself... I know exactly what I need to do but I don't do it.. and I dont know why I cant make myself do it
So I'm not sure where to go from here. |
It's true that being courageous is hard. It's supposed to be hard because facing the challenge makes you stronger.
Ultimately you're the one who's responsible for this decision. It's a lot easier for your family to push you in a certain direction because you're the one who has to deal with the consequences. Since you have to deal with 100% responsbility for the outcome, this decision can only be yours to make and no one else's.
You have a simple choice to make. Do you want to be brave and stand up for yourself? Or do you want to take the cowardly path and suffer the consequences for years to come?
Your family doesn't have to like your decision. They don't have to agree with you. You don't have to argue with them, debate with them, or convince them of anything. The more you supplicate to them, the weaker you become. Despite what they say, your family will never respect you for demonstrating such weakness.
You're facing the classic wimp test of life. A wimp tries to please others instead of himself, but the end result is that he fails to please anyone. He loses the respect of others as well as his own self-respect. He proclaims to the world, "I'm a total loser." Happiness is never found on this path.
By making your own decisions instead of asking others for permission, you pass the wimp test and assert your own authority. You demonstrate you're in control of your own life, and others will actually come to respect you more for that. The same people who tried to control you will begin looking up to you.
The irony is that the more you bend over to try to win the approval of others, the less others approve of you.
Nobody respects those who are so easily derailed.
If I were in your shoes, I'd simply inform my parents of my decision. If they attempted to derail my choice or launch into an argument about it, I'd simply say, "Apparently you misunderstood. I wasn't asking your permission. I was simply informing you of my decision. If you have a problem with that, I really don't care to hear it right now because I have more important things to do." Then I'd leave.
If they started fuming about it and seemed to have a problem dealing with it, I'd send them links to articles on anger management and emotional awareness. I'd respond with the attitude that their reaction is entirely their problem and that they obviously need psychological help if they mistakenly believe it's their place in life to control me. If they persisted, I'd continue escalating by signing them up for psychology newsletters, calling to arrange counseling appointments for them (in front of them), putting ads for psychologists on their desks, etc.
Your life. Your choices. If people have a problem with that, sucks to be them.