Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - "Beginning Fitness" Article rough draft- please be brutal

chopsaw · 08-28-2008, 01:18 PM

mlc82

I'm not going to discuss the details of your article. I'll focus on your delivery.

The tone of your piece isn't nearly as inviting as it should be. The delivery is of an instructor to a student, "first you do this, then you do this..." It's as dry as a recipe. I found the article a bit too preachy and I honestly wouldn't have read much further than the first couple of paragraphs. Most reader's are looking for an interesting story, one that is chock full of good information, that will inspire them to get off the couch.

Embed links to the "nuts and bolts" of a training session within the story. This way you are casting a wider net and those interested in your specific approach can then follow your lead.

Take a look at Steve's piece "The Sock". It's a good story with a solid message. By altering your approach, I believe you'll have a heck of a piece.

Good luck with it.

08-28-2008, 01:18 PM	#16 (permalink)
chopsaw Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Upstate New York Posts: 77	mlc82 I'm not going to discuss the details of your article. I'll focus on your delivery. The tone of your piece isn't nearly as inviting as it should be. The delivery is of an instructor to a student, "first you do this, then you do this..." It's as dry as a recipe. I found the article a bit too preachy and I honestly wouldn't have read much further than the first couple of paragraphs. Most reader's are looking for an interesting story, one that is chock full of good information, that will inspire them to get off the couch. Embed links to the "nuts and bolts" of a training session within the story. This way you are casting a wider net and those interested in your specific approach can then follow your lead. Take a look at Steve's piece "The Sock". It's a good story with a solid message. By altering your approach, I believe you'll have a heck of a piece. Good luck with it.