Hi everyone, my name is Matt and I am a professional dating coach.
I travel the world running workshops for men, and am one of the best in world at what we call "pickup". The difference between what I do, and probably most people who give dating advice is that I actually go out into the real world and demonstrate how to do it.
Now, I just had to answer this thread because dominance is a very strong part of what I teach guys to do, and its probably one of the most important concepts in dating there is, and the most misunderstood.
Lack of dominance is a key reason that many guys struggle to get results in dating. The stereotypical guy lacking in dominance is confused by dating and women because he's got a good job, a nice car, is in good shape, has some friends, and is not a bad catch. But he can't get a girlfriend to save his life (well, one he wants to date anyway), gets caught in the dreaded "friends zone", and women can tend to lose interest even if they initially seemed to like him.
Dominance works on many levels, and the first I call "warm dominance".
Warm dominance is being positive, and being focused on other people more than yourself. You see, many guys come unstuck in dating because they are too much "in their head", and thinking about if they are good enough, or something inwardly. Dominant guys are secure in themselves.
I'll give an example of warm dominance in action. A guy who is not warmly dominant, he sees a girl he wants to approach and talk to. He's generally wondering if he's good looking enough, if his shirt looks good, or he's thinking something about himself. This lack of warm dominance creates anxiety, nerves, and an inability to "be himself", which is project his best self. This causes him to be unable to approach, or to make a mistake, or seem nervous.
A guy who exhibits warm dominance is focused on the woman, not himself. He's curious as what she does for work, where she is from, what she does for fun. He doesn't care what she thinks of him, he beams positivity and is unaffected by her response (or lack of), and is more focused on being social and enjoying himself, and he imagines her being successful, and her being extremely happy and enjoying herself. When he is talking to her he has this mental image of her having the most incredible success, and this affects his energy to the point where she is drawn to him.
The reason we use the word dominance is multi-faceted. First of all if you imagine a football game, and the best player in the world is "dominating". What is he doing? Well, he's running the show, he's in control. So the warmly dominant guy is in control of his emotions, he's not caring if she likes him or not, he's just focused on that which he can control, his own actions. he chooses to be positive, and thats the way he is going to be.
There are many more ways that dominance is used in dating.
I think that because over 95% are hopeless at dating even when people think they are doing the right thing they are not, and that was being generous, so even the people who think they are good at dating, are bad at dating. Society fills us with so many bad ideas on dating that its no wonder so many people are single, or date the wrong people, or end up unhappy.
So when you present the actual way the world works it messes up many people's version of reality, even to the point where it makes them angry. I know me personally when I was getting good at this dating stuff, and going from a guy that was hopeless with women and doing everything wrong to someone who can pick and choose who I want to date with success, and essentially drop me in a country and I'll be able to be in an amazing relationships in days, or even hours, if thats what I want to do - I was shocked a little at how the world works.
Another key to dominance is that in the real world guys have to be a little bossy, pushy, and persistent to get real results especially in the early stages. Women have many layers of natural resistance to sex, and dating, even when they like a guy. There are social reasons for this (not wanting to be seen as slut, or low status), evolutionary biology reasons (there is more of a risk/investment for women than men to having sex), conditioning (she may have already rejected 100s of guys who did what you just did, so she is just on auto-pilot) and her own validation reasons (she wants to feel like a challenge, she wants to test you, she wants you to be responsible for sex, she wants to feel valued, and she may feel as though holding back sex may increase the long term chances of a relationship).
So a guy who is wimpy, too nice or considerate often gets nowhere with dating, even if he is Mr Perfect. A key part of dominance is taking what you want, and not giving up too easy. Now, I'm prepared for the usual response that some guys get the wrong message with this, but really, those guys who do the wrong thing by women are not really likely to be reading this or taking dating advice, they are probably less intelligent, and I would have lost them after my first 10 words. This is designed for the vasy majority of men who simply are not attractive enough to women because they are no masculine enough and not dominant enough.
Let me tell you what dominance is not. Dominance is not trying to be a hero, or be alpha, or be the man, or be better than other guys. In fact thats a distinct lack of dominance right there, you are showing that other people affect you and you care what people think. Its a fairly big turnoff to women when guys do this kind of stuff, and it shows insecurity more than anything. The most dominant guy will actually seem to try the least, and be just secure in himself, and will be enjoying himself.
...Matt
Dating Tips for Men: EXPOSED