Quote:
|
If he is exploring then it will go in stages - watch porn - go to chat room - then arrange a sexual encounter.
|
This is too bad. I know you are probably right, because most people are weak, unconsious, and driven by thier emotions, urges, and impulses.
But I have to object, again, to the "matter of fact" nature of that type of comment. You've already drawn a conclusion that he will end up in a gay sexual encounter. That line of thinking actually ENCOURAGES people to blindly indulge their urges and impulses.
For a smart, strong, intentionally living person, I would contend that this is closer to reality:
If he is exploring then it will go in stages - watch porn - evaluate thyself - go to chat room - eveluate thyself - back up, slow down, engage in heterosexual activities - make a concious decision of the direction he wants his life to take - then weed out the habits that don't correlate with his choice, and develop new habits that do correlate with his choice.
That's a much better way to go. He may end up having to weed her out, if he chooses homosexuality, or bi-sexuality. But if he chooses heterosexuality, he must weed out the things that aren't heterosexual from his fixations.
Additionally, the advice you basically just gave her is to "give up now, because it is inevitable". That's not true. If she really loves him, and wants to be in a relationship with him, she will explore these things with him, and show him that choosing those activities is not a match to the life he is living with her. In a way, it is an ultimatum, but without the threat. He must figure it out, and stop hiding things. If he has to hide things, he isn't being true to her or himself.
The same goes for even hetersexual man who hide watching staight porn from thier spouse. If the spouse isn't into porn, then he is hiding a real part of who he is. That will eventually cause problems. When a wife gives the ultimatum, "its me or the porn", it sounds like a threat.
But in reality, it's just a logical statement:
"because I don't like porn, and you are my husband, if YOU watch porn you are acting outside the harmony of our relationship. Either I have to learn to like porn, or you have to learn to avoid porn. I can conclusivly say that I refuse to learn to like porn for the sake of this relationship, which puts the decision back into your court. I don't expect you to give up something that is important to you, so I wouldn't be surprised if you chose porn over me. But you must make the decision, porn or me? It's not a threat. It really does just boil down to this."
What more wives
need to do is add to that with:
"I understand that if you choose me over the porn, we both have a difficult road ahead of us in weeding that out of our lives and finding a mutually beneficial, fullfilling sexual relationship. I won't judge you for this, and I'm willing to work with you in reaching that goal if you are willing to be completely honest about your urges with me."
Nothing is inevitable, unless you specifically choose it, or you are unconsiously living.