Quote:
Originally Posted by SmartAlx  They say that you should be yourself and accept yourself for who you are... that you shouldn't try to be someone that you aren't. If I followed that advice, then I would have no friends.
I am socially awkward. I am quiet. I don't know what to say with people. I constantly put my foot in my mouth. I am inhibited. I am introverted. I am shy. I am not boisterous. I don't have a lot of stories to tell. I don't know any jokes. I'm not naturally funny. I don't drink. I don't like going to bars. I don't like sports. I hate my job. I hate being alone. People's instincts when they meet me for the first time aren't always good. I get jealous of people who have it easier than me. And I think it shows.
So, what SHOULD I do? Accept myself for who I am, or take some classes to better myself so I can become more likable? Shouldn't I try to overcome my deficiencies? Should I just accept that I am not funny, or should I practice trying to be more funny?
I am sure that you all will say that bettering yourself is a good thing to do. But I believe that you will also say that you shouldn't try to change the core of your being. Don't change the real you. But these are the core of who I am. And they define someone that I do not want to be. I want people to be happy when they see me. I want them to miss me when I am gone. I want people to enjoy my presence when we go out. Realistically I accept that I'll never compete with the most naturally charismatic, but I can surely still become more likable than I am now.
Well, luckily for me I do NOT follow your advice. I do try to be more likeable. I try to hold conversations when I don't know what to say. I do try to be more funny. I practice filtering my thoughts so I don't put my foot in my mouth so much. I do practice making myself better. And because I do NOT accept myself for who I am, I do have friends and I expect that my list of friends to grow. Thank you Christianity for showing me the healthy way of being. Jesus Christ is my example and his perfection as my example ensures that I will continue to grow until the day I go to meet Him.
I know that this is a self improvement forum, but sometimes I think it's a DON'T improve yourself forum with the answers I see all the time. You all should be more careful about the advice that you give. Many people will be inclined to take your advice at face value. Many people don't know how to read between the lines. |
I bet you are not shy. You are not being shy right now. I doubt that shyness is a real part of you. I think it was learned.
You know who you are when you are relaxed and you act naturally and happy. When you are shy you feel shyiness, some fear and tension. And that does not let you to act natural. It does not let you to be you.
I think you have a point about the idea of "DON'T improve yourself forum". Sometimes what is improvement for someone is going backward for another. So it is important to see all comments like an advice that was made with the best intention and probably under a different context or even culture.
However in this case I must disagree. You define a dichotomy as "Be yourself vs improvement". You can be yourself and you can improve at the same time. So the way you define extremes is not right.