Quote:
Originally Posted by SmartAlx  Oh I sooooo beg to differ. You HAVE to be funny today*. There is just waaaaaaaaaaay too much funny competition for you not to try to be funny. If you aren't funny, then people don't want to be with you. They choose to be with the funny people. They don't call you. They call the funny person. And please don't say "if someone won't be with you because you aren't funny then you shouldn't want to be with them." I do want to be with them. Again, if I'm not with them, then I am alone because EVERYBODY wants to be with funny people. If anyone has a choice, they will always choose to be with the funny person. Always! Even when times are tough because the funny person makes hard times easier. People would even rather be with a funny person than a stable secure person. |
Well, you are successful at being funny! This paragraph sure made me laugh and laugh!
Listen, your questions were about what you should and shouldn't do, and my answer is: there is nothing at all in the world that you should and shouldn't do. Your christian upbringing might have your first response to that be: "well, no, of course there is a moral and an immoral choice -- of course you should be good and shouldn't be bad!" But that is just not the christian way, after all. What your god gives to humans is free will, and the ability to make those choices. He has some very strong
preferences, but the choice is up to you entirely. Of course there are consequences! Even if you don't believe in god. *Shoulds* are not about choice, they're about manipulation, pressure, and feeling bad. Your god does not want you to feel bad.
So, what to do with that free will when you don't like the way you're being? You change it, if you choose to; but as long as you're
resisting that way of being, you are keeping it in existence. As long as I tell myself, "I hate my social anxiety!" I am holding onto it. D'oh! As long as I tell myself the story of how awkward and humorless I am with people, the more and more awkward and humorless I am with people. The worse it gets the worse it gets. The key to freedom from that downward spiral is: accept yourself exactly as you are and exactly as you're not. (And by the way, the key to freedom is also: Accept others exactly as they are and exactly as they are not!). None of this means you have to condone any particular behavior; it does not mean you can't have a preference to grow in a different direction. It does mean that if you take a look at yourself boldly, accept what is there, and then choose your way of being in the next moment. Choose with love for yourself, rather than condemnation, and you'll be going forward joyfully. On the other hand, if your choices is filled with judgement (I am BAD for being this way -- I must change and be GOOD), then you are taking over god's job. You might want to surrender judgement and adopt evaluation, so that you can be more effective in being what you want to be. I'm not saying you
should, though.
Very important to remember is that Acceptance does NOT equal resignation.