Quote:
Originally Posted by SmartAlx  They say that you should be yourself and accept yourself for who you are... that you shouldn't try to be someone that you aren't. If I followed that advice, then I would have no friends.
I am socially awkward. I am quiet. I don't know what to say with people. I constantly put my foot in my mouth. I am inhibited. I am introverted. I am shy. I am not boisterous. I don't have a lot of stories to tell. I don't know any jokes. I'm not naturally funny. I don't drink. I don't like going to bars. I don't like sports. I hate my job. I hate being alone. People's instincts when they meet me for the first time aren't always good. I get jealous of people who have it easier than me. And I think it shows.
So, what SHOULD I do? Accept myself for who I am, or take some classes to better myself so I can become more likable? Shouldn't I try to overcome my deficiencies? Should I just accept that I am not funny, or should I practice trying to be more funny?
I am sure that you all will say that bettering yourself is a good thing to do. But I believe that you will also say that you shouldn't try to change the core of your being. Don't change the real you. But these are the core of who I am. |
No they aren't. At the very least, the bolded items aren't "the core of who you are", they're skill deficiencies. And I strongly suspect that a lot of the others are personality traits evolved to compensate for lack of those skills.
Being funny is a skill. Like all skills, some people seem to take to it more naturally, but it's still a skill. Ditto making conversation.
I say: Develop the skills. Then, if "the core of who you are" chooses not to use those skills, no harm, no foul. But it's nice to have the option.
I recommend Toastmasters. It's not directly tailored to casual conversation-making skills, but it ("Table Topics" in particular) trains you to think quickly on your feet. Performing evaluations is handy too - you get to comment on other people's speeches and focus on
why they were funny, or moving or engaging. Most importantly, it helps you to develop confidence.