[SmartAlx]

I suspect the many who can't read between the lines don't hang around here much, if indeed they show up at all. So please relax about the advice "we all" give.

I'm here. I've failed to read between the lines for 35 years, and I've been trying to take the "be yourself" advice that whole time.

Originally Posted by jenlili

Can I ask you something though? Do you actually "try" to be funny, or "try" to have conversations? I'm guessing you mean you make an effort, when you aren't feeling especially conversational.

I feel the pressure to be conversational or funny because I know the consequences of people not being funny or conversational. Just this last week the girls I hang out with were discussing some of the hot guys at the dance studio I go to. More than one guy there has no problem getting the girls interested, but can't hang onto them. These guys are (apparently - I don't know... they look average to me) very attractive. But they go on one date and ask the girl about her day. Talk about the food. Talk about the movie. And that's it. They can't talk. Same thing when they call the girl. The girl picks up and he asks, "how are you" and "how was your day" and that's it. No more conversation and the girls were telling us that they were thinking "why did you call me if you don't have anything to say? I have things to do." So even this really good looking guy who's a great dancer has trouble getting second dates because he is I quote from the girls "boring." I have the same problem, except I'm not a heartthrob. I can't even get the first date. Then there are the guys who are average looking, a little bit overweight, but very funny. Great at conversation. Always talking. Always telling stories. Always the center of attention. Always rude. Always hard to shut up. Always hard to get off the phone. Always interrupting people. Always butting in. Always obnoxious. And always the girls throw themselves at them.

Forget funny. If you don't feel funny, then you don't feel funny. You're not required to make anyone laugh.

Oh I sooooo beg to differ. You HAVE to be funny today*. There is just waaaaaaaaaaay too much funny competition for you not to try to be funny. If you aren't funny, then people don't want to be with you. They choose to be with the funny people. They don't call you. They call the funny person. And please don't say "if someone won't be with you because you aren't funny then you shouldn't want to be with them." I do want to be with them. Again, if I'm not with them, then I am alone because EVERYBODY wants to be with funny people. If anyone has a choice, they will always choose to be with the funny person. Always! Even when times are tough because the funny person makes hard times easier. People would even rather be with a funny person than a stable secure person. No one wants to be bored for the rest of their life. No one likes to hang out with a stick in the mud, even if they are safe and make good money. Funny/interesting conversationalists rule the world. And I want to be with people that want to be with these people. I'm not saying that I want to be one of these great funny conversationalists. I don't think it's realistic for me to rise up to their level. But I do want to improve myself enough so I'm not so awkward and I can be a part of the interesting conversations rather than just be a spectator.

If on the other hand you find yourself light-hearted on occasion and something amuses you, likely an observation or comment on it will make others smile.

But articulating something quickly before someone else does and before the conversation changes is practically impossible for me. Someone else always beats me to the punch. I value courtesy and I hate hypocrites so I never interrupt people. People interrupt me all the time so I can never say what I want to say. I ask them not to interrupt me and that apparently makes me a jerk. What kind of a world do we live in that allows rudeness, but doesn't allow... ah, nevermind. I want to stay on topic.


Pleeeeeaaaase don't tell me that I care too much about what other people think. I care precisely because of what I described in the OP. You HAVE to care! This is exactly the purpose of this discussion. If you don't care about what other people think, then why would you endeavor to be a good person? The pride of altruism is just not enough of an incentive for people to behave.

*Especially with the girls. Guys are shallow in that they want a hot girl. Girls are shallow in that they want a funny guy.