Quote:
Originally Posted by Mnemosyne 
Anyway, my husband was keen enough to catch on to my behavior. (Yes, even if my husband, my bestest friend in the whole world, gave me a compliment, I would shrug it off and down-play it.) Now, every time he gives me a compliment, he makes me repeat the following phrase:
"Thank you honey, that means a lot to me."  |
Mnemosyne, congratulations on having snagged yourself such a smart husband!
I think you're on to something in recognizing that the mistrust of compliments comes into play when the compliment is at odds with your self-assessment. I'm not saying you should trust others' judgment above your own in all matters. (Certainly not!) But given the circumstances, it sounds like you are not always the best judge of your own performance, appearance, etc. It sounds like you are a harsher critic of yourself than you would be of anyone else or that anyone else would be of you. In other words, you don't seem to be able to be objective about evaluating yourself. None of us are totally. But some self-esteem boosting might get you closer to seeing yourself the way other people see you.
I think sometimes we feel like accepting a compliment is equal to agreeing with the compliment, which is tantamount to complimenting ourselves, which is presumptuous or arrogant. It's not that way at all, though. I think real modesty is the ability to evaluate ourselves fairly--that includes our good qualities as well as our flaws.