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Originally Posted by Gordon  Beluga, they are nice sentiments and I would agree with you on most things. However, the question right at the start of this thread, was, How and When should this chap breakup. You see the question he asked has already shown us that he had decided to break up with his girlfriend. He didn't ask for help to sort out his emotions, he ask for a way to and when to break up.
I'm for the girl....poor thing is in love with someone who clearly only cares about his own feelings right now..
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Gordon, you have a good point here. I guess I paid more attention to birger's "not 100% sure I should" than to his title. I agree that even if he only 50% wants to break up, he should do so. This girl who loves him deserves a full heart, not half of one, committed to her.
On reflection, it does sound, birger, more like you're hesitant to hurt her than that you're unsure you want to break up. As someone who has been on the receiving end of painful breakups a number of times, may I offer a piece of advice--this time about the originally requested "how"?
I'm sure you don't want to hurt her, but you cannot avoid this. If she does love you--especially if you are her "lifeline"--she WILL be hurt, and there's _nothing_ you can do to prevent it. The best thing you can do is to make it clean. "Trying not to hurt her" often results in unclear or noncommittal behavior or statements that cause more pain in the long run. Be gentle, but be clear. Be honest and direct. You can be compassionate, but don't let it cloud your communication to her, which should be about your feelings about the relationship. (Do, I think, address it in terms of _the relationship_, and not _her_. This sounds less like blame. Besides, it doesn't sound like it IS about HER.)
And then . . . until you discover what this pattern is all about . . . be up front about it with anyone you get involved with in the future. There's nothing objectively wrong with wanting the excitement of new relationships, as long as you're not luring in unsuspecting women with different expectations. You may find women who are interested in the same thing, and then you'll be able to enjoy the newness without the strings.
That is, until you someday discover what lies beyond that initial "new relationship" threshold . . .
Good luck.