Quote:
Originally Posted by jsot  There's this girl I kind of like and today (the first day of school) it seemed like she couldn't get enough of me. This morning at school I saw her and said "hi" and she ran up to me and hugged me. Later that day I was at a table doing work and she sat down next to me and tried to talk to me. But unfortunately I couldn't think up much to talk about so she left. A similar thing happened right after school where I was walking out of the buildings and we crossed paths. and just a few minutes ago she messaged me on MSN but once again I was at a loss for conversation. I don't know if she likes me or not but either way I don't want make it look like I don't like her or that I'm boring. What sort of things should I talk about next time this happens? |
I think it's not that you have a lack of things to talk about, but you fear being percieved a certain way, or how you might come across. I.e. You want to be seen as not boring.
That's reasonable, but wouldn't you like to be seen as authentic instead? The latter, you align with love and yourself; the former, with fear and worry, and not the present moment.
Within the last year I've greatly increased my amount of social interaction from "not much at all" to "wow, I'm pretty busy!" Within that time I learned that you don't need to worry so much about what you say or take conversation so seriously. When you stop taking yourself so seriously, trying to project a certain image or adhere to standards of what you think you "should" do, you align more with authenticity and people respond in kind. When you align with what you think you "should" do, people respond in kind, too, often feeling kind of awkward--they might even get up and walk away eventually.
This isn't anything bad, it's just an external, objective reflection of your internal alignment. You can choose at any time to align with different internal qualities, such as authenticity, and reality will shift to match that.
In my experience, you will have more natural interaction with women when you aren't internally dodging thoughts of "oh, I don't want to come across like that" or "oh, I need to act cool." Realise that when you're interacting like that, you're not really interacting with the girl at all--you're interacting mostly with your internal fears "through" your interaction with a girl. People want to interact with you, not be a way for you to interact with your fear, even if you're doing it unconsciously without knowing it. But don't feel guilty; let it serve as an opportunity to have a more authentic interaction with people so you can better honour them.
Authenticity is simply giving yourself and the other person permission to be themselves. Amusingly, trying to be "cool" will often make you appear to be the very thing you're trying to avoid.
