Welcome, desuza! I love redheads!!
Desuza, you could use a new story. Your story of how things are is so filled with Buts and focus on what you
don't want that I am absolutely exhausted after reading your post!
This story that you have told is all about the life you don't want -- and guess what? With this story, with all its explanations, rationalizations, qualifications, and rejections, you are continually generating all that stuff you don't want! It's the story of feeling bad! Cut it out!
The good news is that you have a glimmer of what you do want, and also that you have opened yourself up to the abundance of the universe, namely, Us.
Why not re-write your tale in such a way that it has you feeling good when you relate it to yourself and to others? Feeling good is the way to attract more feeling good. Here's a couple of examples:
Turn towards what you want. And please post your photo in the photo section! Did I mention I love redheads?