The Cloud, I think you're onto something.
Have you noticed that what you are so adamantly opposed to creating in your life is exactly parallel to what your mom created in your kid-self life? She really inconvenienced you with her ambitions, didn't she. And when you objected to what was happening, she snipped at you and made you feel bad for speaking up.
Consider that that was one of those decision-making moments. You decided something about yourself (maybe it was a layer of "I'll never do what mom did" and maybe it is more like "I am ____.")
So in the meanwhile you've found a way to cope, to survive -- adopting this thought that it's okay to hurt people -- to hell with them -- nobody's gonna tell me what to do or how to think. But that's a pretty stressful perspective for you, isn't it? It seems like the way to get what you want, but it bears a hefty price tag for you. It's a survival mechanism, but I don't think it's how you want to live your life; it's not very inspiring as a life purpose, is it?
Before you confront your mom, I think it would be a very great idea for you to do the work on it. Otherwise, I'm afraid you'll only make her defensive and not get the resolution you're looking for -- only more pain.
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