Quote:
Originally Posted by DivaLion 
Part of the "aha!" was taking some personality/career tests; what surprised me was not the results, but the pattern I noticed in my answers-- how often the things I ranked "dislike" were tasks I had done all my life to make a living!
No wonder I wasn't getting excited about the idea of following my own path...I was doing to myself what well-meaning parents do to so many kids: trying to "normalize" my passions into a more sensible type of work. Not a step forward, but a step sideways-- not much better at all. Julia Cameron in her books calls these "shadow" careers, where you do something that keeps you close to your love without actually being your love.
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This really hit home for me. A lot of people, when I tell them I want to become a children's book writer, start to fidget nervously. Conversation with them in the past usually went like this:
Me: I'm going to write books for a living!
Other: But there's a lot of competition, you know... and even if you do get published, you might not make enough money.
Me: Stephen King and J.K. Rowling seems to be doing just fine.
Other: Yeah, but they are exceptions!
Me: And why can't I become an exception?
Other: Well... in theory it's possible I guess... but chances are so small... it will never work! Most books don't even get past the sludgepile in the first place!
Me: I won't know that unless I try, now will I? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a novel to write.
Then when I meet them again about two months later:
Other: What's with the grin on your face?
Me: Oh, I had a good writing day today. 4000 words added to my novel, a new record! At this rate, I might even finish before the year is over!
Other: *blank stare* You're still working on that thing?
Me: Uh... yeah. *blink* books don't write themselves, you know.
Other: But... where do you find the time?
Me: I
make the time every day, whether I feel like it or not. It's the only way I'll ever finish.
Other: "And then?"
Me: "Then I'll rewrite, edit, rewrite, edit, edit some more and send it to a publisher."
At this point, the other person gets nervous. For a small part because they don't want to see me get hurt if I happen to get rejected. But mostly (and they may not even be aware of this) because I'm closer to realizing my dream than they ever will be. This is when the alternatives start rolling in: do I really want to try and get rejected? It will never work. Odds are against me! Maybe I should try: editing, proofreading, post stories on my own website for free, find a job at a publisher, become the personal assistant of a successful writer, translate, and so on.
No, no, no, no! I don't want to step sideways! I don't want a shadow carreer! I don't want to 'normalize' my passion! I don't want to be a mindless drone, staying in the herd unnoticed and making sure I follow the script!
I am not, and will not become, a cowardly lion!
Rules Are No Obstacles for Committed People
My problem is, that for a long time I believed that 'living the dream' was for special people and that us normal folks, should be content with a shadow carreer. Screw that: this is my time to fly.
EDIT: Just think I should add this: a lot of people, when I refuse to settle for a shadow carreer, suggest that I should still find a job in publishing, as this might improve my chances. I can see the logic behind this (having a shadow carreer is not that bad, as long as it is not the final station), but I have never felt comfortable with the idea. Today, I had an 'eureka!' moment and figured out why: getting a job at a publishing company, feels like begging for scraps.
Other people are good enough that they can just send in their manusscripts and wait for the publisher to worship the very ground they walk on (
), but since I can't
possibly be just as talented as my competition, if not more,
I will have to try and weasle my way in through the backdoor. There is
no way I'm talented enough to get a publishers attention
without serving them coffee every morning or sorting through their mail. Heck, I might as well give up now.
I will keep this option open, but I want to try it the 'normal' way first, rather than just telling myself I'm not good enough to get published without having to resort to infiltrating the enemy camp
