wow so many good ideas , and not one mention of "you need to get psychological help to get over this hump" ! (Yes I am insecure about that...I realise it now.)
What marked me the most is what
Hazel and
yanisincere highlight together :
- spending some time simply communicating with my father as a person; not as an authority figure or an obstacle
- realising that maybe his "impact on others talk", although intimidating to me (Why won't these "others" come talk to me? Am I that scary?
) is really about him and his needs in the relationship. Very important to remember, in order to humanise my father and our adult-to-adult-relationship.
Thanks
Mattson and
Christian 223 for reminding me of how grateful I can be for having a father deeply immersed in psychology and managing skills - he does not have problems of anger or deep-set close minded-ness - I think our lack of communication resides more in the projection of his own stresses and worries onto me and my highly flammable quality! He really wants our communication to work. Because I have not learned how to care for his vulnerabilities since they are not explicitly expressed (i.e. "I am sad" I am mad") I tend only to feel my own feelings in our exchanges and this makes me feel weak and out of control. Alright, i'll try and have more normal exchanges with him, not debates, for a while.
You guys have been very helpful! I'm very grateful.
Claire