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Originally Posted by belugagirl  Especially after reading some of the posts in here, I wonder if we modern folk are given unrealistic expectations (by media, I guess--TV, movies, etc . . . ) about what relationships are "supposed" to feel like. And I wonder if that is at least a factor in the unfortunately high divorce rate. We expect to feel a certain excitement that we call "in love" and when we don't, we move on--sometimes, even if we're married.
Since it's nearly impossible to know if my "in love" feels like your "in love," though, it's impossible for anyone to tell you if what you're feeling is what your "supposed" to feel, or whether you are the unwitting victim of these unrealistic expectations.
I can offer you my own experience, though, for what it's worth. I definitely think of myself as "in love" with my husband, but the feelings I have for him now are not what they were most of the time we were dating. There IS less "excitement," I suppose, but more intimacy, trust, comfort, and just plain cuddliness. (There is occasional excitement, too, but it's certainly not as consistent as it was when the relationship was newer.) There was a transition time for me, too, shortly before we were married, when this made me question if he REALLY was the one I was "supposed" to be with. But I was patient, that uncertainty passed, and we grew into our "new" relationship as it evolved, and I can honestly say that I prefer these feelings to that "newly in love" sensation--even as wonderful as that is.
You do have to trust your gut, I suppose, but give your gut time to adjust to an evolving relationship with evolving emotions. |
Beluga, they are nice sentiments and I would agree with you on most things. However, the question right at the start of this thread, was, How and When should this chap breakup. You see the question he asked has already shown us that he had decided to break up with his girlfriend. He didn't ask for help to sort out his emotions, he ask for a way to and when to break up. His decision to break up is a selfish one, he doesn't care about the girl, he just wants to find an easy way out. If he had asked, "Why or even If" I would have given a nice softly softly answer. But look again....he has decided already to break up with her, by asking that question here in the forum.
I am not saying that he should stay with her, no. But be man enough to face up to the fact he has already decided the fate of the relationship, now he should be a big boy and get the thing done. She is far too good for someone who claims to be "confused and frustrated", but wants justification from everyone about a decision he has already made. That is the reality of the situation.
I'm for the girl....poor thing is in love with someone who clearly only cares about his own feelings right now....
Birger, you need to be a man right now. Speak to your girlfriend, explain that you have already made the decision and that it is best for her to get on with her life. She at least deserves honesty from you.
Then get yourself some serious help about understanding committments in any relationship, whether short term or longer.
Belugagirl is right Birger, when she says feelings change the longer you are in a relationship. The honeymoon period is over. Then real life kicks in and at time it can be horrible, but when you realise someone really loves you, even when you are the biggest pain in the backside, then it carries you for miles.
But you have to be honest about your question and decsion. Get it sorted NOW!! TODAY
G