Quote:
Originally Posted by Liveformx64  Maybe its a Girlfriend that wronged you. (I personally dealt with that for a number of years.) |
Yes. That person is my wife.
It's a great irony for me, but now I've got that clarity I desired so much. Who knew it would be so plain and hard, and can't be confused with something else? I remember myself, asking some lame questions about clarity here in forums. Like "the next step in my PD is gaining some clarity... how to get it? oh, I have some ideas, but I'm not sure..."
What's even more funny - Steve wrote so often "people deny the truth", and I thought "anyone but me". How could I be so blind? I denied that core truth all the time. I thought "ok, my relationship is perfect - she loves me and I love her" (that's true). But I ignored the fact, that any relationship has to be cultivated. I ignored the times when things went tough ("it's just the wrong mood, it will pass"). I drank. I tried to run away... Hihi, another LP song
Oops, how funny... My subconscious mind talks again:"I wanna run away, Never say goodbye, I wanna know the truth, Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers, No more lies, I wanna shut the door, And open up my mind". Sometimes it's kinda scary when all these metaphysical things show themselves, isn't it? Well, at least something positive in their lyrics.
So... and I also tried to quieten my feelings by music. Avril Lavigne's song comes to my mind. I'll just put several lines here: "When I'm alone, I feel so much better,And when I'm around you,I don't feel".
If you're interested, find the lyrics of the song "Together" by Avril Lavigne. It's already too much quoting here. But I'm re-reading its lyrics and understanding, that, every dark and painful thing contains also an answer. Sometimes the answer is really perfect. The Cloud, is this what you call "understand the darker side of myself"?
Or, at least, these lyrics contain the perfect truth about someone's life, who feels a strong resonance (like me).
But why we are not willing to listen? So often... Why we run away from the truth? Because it's painful?
The end of the story, which is (as always) actually a beginning. Yesterday I understood by intuition what we've summarized here by logic. And I acted accordingly. I tried to talk to my wife... again. I took her to a dinner, and we talked about our feelings and our relationship. I beleive, that she, at least, understood me. She agreed, that our relationship is far from perfect, and that we should work on it.
I know, that my words are maybe "too general". If you want details - read Linkin Park lyrics. They describe things in English much better, than a guy from Russia