I struggle w/ the same exact things you do too. The quotes that I've selected are the main points that I try to remind myself of.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bethie  ...try placing him slightly off of your "front-burner" and find something else to get excited about for a while. |
Yes, take him off your front burner... just to prove to yourself you can do it. I have a tendency to regard my g/f as the most important thing in my life- above work, above friends, above my own well-being even. It won't work like that. Just like Angela told me once,
learn to love your own life. Once you do that you'll see him in a different light. You'll feel more attracted
to him rather than anxious
about him. Try focusing on things that you want and that make your life better for you just a couple times a day every day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JimOfferman On a more serious note, you should realize that those issues have nothing to do with him and everything to do with you. |
Jim's right. These issues have nothing to do w/ him; how you respond to life's events are
your problem alone. And again, I struggle w/ this too. I tell myself that it's because she does
this that I feel a certain way. But that's not how it works. If so, everybody would always be anxious and insecure. Would you agree that you know of people that have no problem w/ their b/f (or g/f) hanging out w/ girls (or guys)? It's because they
choose to trust him/her. Rather than thinking about what he's
not doing to make you feel secure, ask yourself what
you can do to improve the situation and trust him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by marklang500 You need the confidence of knowing you will be OK if you do lose him.
If he finds someone else, you wouldn't really want him, would you? |
Lastly, yes, realize that you are in a relationship to benefit yourself. Really. That's all it comes down to. I like positive things like affection and company, etc. so I choose to be in a relationship for
me. Don't get me wrong, I don't only think about receiving. In fact, try focusing on what you're giving him rather than what you're getting (or not getting) from him that "leaves you feeling" insecure. But if it doesn't work after that, then realize that it's not good for
you and move on. Have the confidence that you
are good enough and that you can find one of the $hit-ton of fish in the sea. Don't make him your whole world. That's like betting everything you have on something you can't control because ultimately, no matter how badly you want security from him, you can't force him to give it to you. Besides, if he does choose to be w/ someone else, then why
would you want to be w/ him??? Again, you
can't force someone to be w/ you. I know it's difficult to get used to but it will never work - in any situation - unless the person makes the choices for his/herself. Otherwise, it's just not genuine.
Good luck & remember that you're not the only person that struggles w/ these things (I try to remind myself of all of this at precisely the moment I need to hear it). Just breathe whenever you're feeling insecure; you're gonna be ok.
