[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by kboleski

You have to love yourself first, for exactly who you are. You can't give it all away, but you do have to help others. You actually seem like a pretty awesome person, and very capable of giving and making a difference around you. Your focus is just in the wrong place. I call this the "judgment place." You are caught up in a negative thoughts and outlook, and you are actually judging others. Stop doing that. Quit looking at anyone that way. You are probably right about those people, but just stop assigning judgment to separate yourself from them. Just live life by your own designs, and forget about them. What you do, how you are, who you are, your integrity will separate you from those kinds of people.

Anyway, I am rambling a little long here, but I thought I would throw this out to you. It is akin to what I have experienced and I realized that it isn't about me, about what I think about others. It is about who I am, how I live my life, what I do for others, my character and integrity, etc... and if I live according to my ideal of those things, then I am fine the way I am.

PS, there really are a lot of people that do mean thank you when they say it. I am a person that appreciates, REALLY appreciates when someone does something for me, because no one has to do anything for you. I mean thank you when I say it. I hang around people who are real and appreciative. Don't give yourself away to those who will take everything you have and not appreciate your efforts. You can speak nicely to them, pay them a compliment, be a team player at work with them, and these things don't cost you anything. GIVE of yourself to those you know will appreciate your help, concern, friendship, etc... and you won't feel used.

Lol I know my focus is in the wrong place, because it's on blame. I can't seem to shake the idea that everything has to be somebody's fault, either somebody else's or my own. If I stop blaming everybody else, then it becomes my fault. If I stop blaming myself, it becomes their fault. I know that in truth it's nobody's fault, but how does one convert knowledge into understanding? And I can't focus on the positive, because every attempt to do so only emphasizes for me that there is a negative. I know all this, intellectually. I can talk about it logically and make the connections and put all the puzzle pieces together. But a puzzle is just a flat picture, it's not real. I know, but I don't understand. How does one understand? THAT I do not know.