[kboleski]

I thought that I would respond with what occurred to me when as I read this thread. Where does the belief come from that paying compliments is unnecessary or fake or that thank you's are always fake? Who ever equated paying a compliment to someone for a job well done, to looking down on them because of your imagining that person is insecure and needs the compliment? Some people are overly needy of compliments to define them, and that is an entirely different issue. I am just talking about every day relating to others. We live in a very critical world. People climbing over each other to get to the top, others being highy critical. The negativity is around us. I just try to not pay attention to that. Someone being negative or critical towards ME, I am realizing is just their problem. They have their own insecurities and have to project those on whomever they can to feel better about themselves.

It made me smile when I read that you most look forward to reading responses to your posts. It is a great feeling to read that someone agrees with you. It is validating. Isn't that the least we can do for eachother? Why not, give each other a boost. People DO great things - everyone loves a compliment. We are all trying so hard, that it is just nice that the effort is acknowledged. Everyone needs a little validation. It lets you know that you are "all-right" with others and that your opinion is on par, or exceptionally helpful. You put that effort out there to help others, and a thank you is perfect, but when others are on the same page, it just does something for you that makes you feel good. Just look at it as a little support for your fellow man. Everyone needs it!

I know what you are talking about when you talk about "fakeness." I just don't bother with it. I hang around people that have my same values and actually feel sorry for the "fake" that I see. It is a game and you have to play it if you want to be "in" the "in" crowd. It is difficult to not get caught up in it, but because I don't want to define myself that way, it makes it easier for me to stay away from it.

Stop focusing on all of that. Just focus on you. Who are you? What are you worth? What defines you? What do you want people to think about you? Are you comfortable in your own skin? How do you want to be defined? Relax. Stop looking at the negativity and fakeness. FORGET ABOUT IT! Focus on what makes life so important and will help you feel complete - love, loving yourself, giving love to others. Actually, giving your love to everyone you meet in the form of a smile, a atta boy, help in some way. You are too focused on the fake and negative about people that you don't have the time or energy to make a difference. Set the example. If someone is negative around you, say something positive every time. If someone is fake, just be real. That is the best "revenge" because when you walk away, most people will respect you for it. Only the completely lost in the fakeness game won't let themselves see it because they are too far removed from what is real.

You have to love yourself first, for exactly who you are. You can't give it all away, but you do have to help others. You actually seem like a pretty awesome person, and very capable of giving and making a difference around you. Your focus is just in the wrong place. I call this the "judgment place." You are caught up in a negative thoughts and outlook, and you are actually judging others. Stop doing that. Quit looking at anyone that way. You are probably right about those people, but just stop assigning judgment to separate yourself from them. Just live life by your own designs, and forget about them. What you do, how you are, who you are, your integrity will separate you from those kinds of people.

Anyway, I am rambling a little long here, but I thought I would throw this out to you. It is akin to what I have experienced and I realized that it isn't about me, about what I think about others. It is about who I am, how I live my life, what I do for others, my character and integrity, etc... and if I live according to my ideal of those things, then I am fine the way I am.

PS, there really are a lot of people that do mean thank you when they say it. I am a person that appreciates, REALLY appreciates when someone does something for me, because no one has to do anything for you. I mean thank you when I say it. I hang around people who are real and appreciative. Don't give yourself away to those who will take everything you have and not appreciate your efforts. You can speak nicely to them, pay them a compliment, be a team player at work with them, and these things don't cost you anything. GIVE of yourself to those you know will appreciate your help, concern, friendship, etc... and you won't feel used.