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belugagirl · 12-13-2006, 08:07 PM

Good advice, everyone! (Well, most everyone. That last one may not have been helpful.)

My questions to you would be:
1) Do you love her? In what way?
2) Is this the kind of love or other feelings you wish to experience with a significant other right now?
3) Are these the kind of feelings she wants/expects from you right now?

If the answer to 2 or 3 is "No," then a serious conversation is in order. That conversation may include a decision to break up, or--depending on what you discover about her feelings or yours--it may result in continuing your relationship in a new way or with different expectations.

As far as timing, have this conversation as soon you can arrange a good time/environment to talk, when you're both in the frame of mind to listen and focus on each other. (In other words, NOT on the phone or by email, or when either of you is preoccupied by something else.) Other than that, don't wait. Waiting could possibly make the eventual conversation that much more hurtful to her, knowing that you were "thinking behind her back" about this while she was unaware of it. She deserves to have a chance to put her $.02 in, so don't wait until you've absolutely decided what you want. If you even suspect that she desires some feelings from you that you are not capable of giving at the moment, she deserves to know that. Once you each know how the other feels, you can work out--together--what you should do about it, whether that's break up, or wait, or try something new in your relationship.

12-13-2006, 08:07 PM	#13 (permalink)
belugagirl Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 59	As always: Clear Communication Good advice, everyone! (Well, most everyone. That last one may not have been helpful.) My questions to you would be: 1) Do you love her? In what way? 2) Is this the kind of love or other feelings you wish to experience with a significant other right now? 3) Are these the kind of feelings she wants/expects from you right now? If the answer to 2 or 3 is "No," then a serious conversation is in order. That conversation may include a decision to break up, or--depending on what you discover about her feelings or yours--it may result in continuing your relationship in a new way or with different expectations. As far as timing, have this conversation as soon you can arrange a good time/environment to talk, when you're both in the frame of mind to listen and focus on each other. (In other words, NOT on the phone or by email, or when either of you is preoccupied by something else.) Other than that, don't wait. Waiting could possibly make the eventual conversation that much more hurtful to her, knowing that you were "thinking behind her back" about this while she was unaware of it. She deserves to have a chance to put her $.02 in, so don't wait until you've absolutely decided what you want. If you even suspect that she desires some feelings from you that you are not capable of giving at the moment, she deserves to know that. Once you each know how the other feels, you can work out--together--what you should do about it, whether that's break up, or wait, or try something new in your relationship.